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Last Updated: Jan 10, 2023

Non Consummation of Marriage (Married, Yet Unmarried)

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Dr. Shirish C MaldeSexologist • 30 Years Exp.MD, BHMS
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A marriage can go stale due to several reasons. If you blindly believe in the maxim marriages are made in heaven you are still living inside a bubble. The gamut of difficulties faced in making a marriage work can leave newlyweds in complete awe. A marriage doesn't tiptoe on a tightrope between success and failure; it is more of a road taken towards happiness.

If your marriage doesn't fill you with contentment or you can sense the lack of bliss with your partner there are reasons to worry. Apart from the regular tiffs and grave contradictions, a married couple could also bicker or part ways due to the nonconsummation of their marriage. At times only one person has to experience the toll of little sexual intimacy while at other times, both individuals suffer from its absence.

A newly wed couple fails to have sex for 3 main reasons

1. Man's problem: erectile dysfunction (failure to get or maintain an erection) and very early ejaculation before vaginal insertion.

2. Woman's problem: either tight hymen or severe fear of pain & bleeding

3. Position difficulties: surprisingly, many couples find it difficult to take a proper position for sex as many do not have proper orientation of each other's body too.

Probable reasons behind nonconsummation of a marriage:

1. Extreme exhaustion: being very tired or exhausted can make you sexually inactive. One might be stressed due to work pressure. You or your partner could be tired of balancing professional and personal life. All these factors could lead to nonconsummation of marriage.

2. Real or apparent rejection: in many cases, only one person makes efforts to consummate the marriage. The partner may not directly decline your advances, but might not show much passion. This kind of passive response makes the other person feel rejected. You tend to avoid communication of such feelings and that complicates your situation. Along with the lack of intercourse, there arises a lack of love as well.

3. Any kind of substance abuse: addiction can deter you from performing in bed. Alcohol or drug abuse can reduce your sexual capabilities. There is also a range of medications leading to erectile dysfunction or vaginal dryness as a side effect. Having a physical inadequacy can make you recede from the idea of consummation.

4. Lack of emotional attachment: two people might have gotten married under societal or familial pressure. They may not feel love for each other or might not have anything in common to strike a chord of friendship. Lack of emotional attachment can prohibit the consummation of your marriage.

5. Sexual trauma: a person might have experienced instances of sexual abuse in childhood or at some point of time in life. Such instances scar them forever; the scars could be deep enough to come in the way of intercourse after marriage.



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