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Sexual Shyness - 5 Ways To Overcome It

Dr. Sharmila Majumdar 97% (1623 ratings)
MS Human Sexuality, M.Phil Clinical Psychology, PhD (Behaviour Modification), Certified In Treatment of Resistant Depression, Certificate course to be Sexuality Educator
Sexologist, Hyderabad  •  12 years experience
Sexual Shyness - 5 Ways To Overcome It

While sex is something that everyone fantasizes or thinks about, when it comes to the actual act of being with a partner, shyness and inhibitions may stop you from actually having a god experience. While some factors for shyness can be physical, in most cases, they border on emotional and psychological problem.


Factors that might cause sexual shyness
Some of the factors that cause sexual shyness could be:
1. A fear arising from lack of experience
2. A low self esteem
3. Bad encounters and experiences in the past
4. Body image issues

These are all factors which can be changed and controlled with a slight change in your thinking and conditioning yourself in certain ways. 

Overcoming sexual shyness with the partner 
While most people have active fantasies about sex, when it comes to a one on one experience, many people feel out of their comfort zone. Let's look at a few mental and thought conditioning exercises that can help you counter sexual shyness.
a. Don't have major expectations - One of the biggest issues with mostly men and to some extent women, is they have elaborate fantasies which don't come true in the real world and thus aren't prepared to handle real life sexual situation when they come up. Thus you should preferably have a no expectation approach.

b. Ensure that the surroundings are comfortable - If you are having a hurried encounter or in a situation you aren't comfortable in, it might lead to bad experiences which will keep manifesting every time you have sexual encounters. Thus make sure that your surroundings are comfortable and you are relaxed before the act.

c. Don't let physical shortcomings scare you - Both men and women tend to be very conscious about their bodies. If you have to be naked in front of someone, you may feel even more self conscious. Stop feeling bad or sorry for yourself because of your body. No human being is perfect and if the other person wants to be with you in bed, they will ignore any physical imperfections that you think you may have.

d. Think about the act and prepare - Remember that you are with a person and not with a fantasy. Once you are comfortable with a person and usually after a few times, you can then try fantasies and role playing. Initially think about the act before in your head and feel excited in its anticipation.

e. Enjoy the build up and the foreplay - Sex isn't just the penetrative part but all the fun section like kissing and foreplay that build up to it. Go slow and enjoy those sections as well and you will automatically be aroused enough to a point where inhibitions will go away. If you wish to discuss about any specific problem, you can consult a Sexologist.

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