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Managing Yourself In A Joint Family!

Written and reviewed by
Ms. Jyoti Shukla 86% (36 ratings)
post graduate Diploma - Guidance & Councelling
Psychologist, Delhi  •  3 years experience
Managing Yourself In A Joint Family!

Steffy* is a sober girl,lives in a joint family setting trying very hard to be something in life,she wants to be a fashion consultant, one day her uncle comes and starts talking to her in a very demeaning way, only she understands how he talks bad about her career choice, hairstyle, weight, manners. she tried to explain all this to her dad but as in most joint families, her father stops her saying she should respect her uncle and stop thinking too much. Every time her uncle came she felt tensed, he kept praising how well he was doing in life n how outstanding his kids were in school and that she should learn from them, aim something serious in life other than becoming a fashion consultant she should put in efforts in becoming a doctor. Slowly she started losing confidence every time her cousins and uncle came she knew she would be targeted and made fun of, soon she lost interest in academics, she lost confidence and was suffering within her without her knowledge. This girl slowing started staying away from the public and slipped into depression and developed several personality disorders.imagine how simple mocking can be dangerous.

How to figure out who is suffering and how to help them.

  • if otherwise lively person suddenly becomes silent and uncomfortable in the presence of any specific person or group
  • speak politely to people who lack confidence.
  • Don't push them to come out of their shell at ones, be with them talk to them on general topics.
  • Appreciate them for genuine reasons.

How to discover an arrogant relative/ friend

- when they flaunt only their work and their way of doing it.

- when their fun revolves around criticizing others.

- When their sarcasm pinches.

- When they try to demean your work or the nature of the job.

- Self-praise to an extreme limit. ( Narcissist)1

- Mocking you, even if they realize you are not comfortable and not enjoying.

What to do (if you are a sufferer yourself)

As we know some times for the peace of a family we have to bear few unwanted people, we can follow few tips to avoid discord among relatives/friends at the same time keep your sanity in place.

  1. Avoid: out of sight is out of mind if it's possible to miss a trip if such a person is present there.miss it! Your self-respect is in your hands if u find a relative too offensive, avoid him for your respect.
  2. Ignore: if you can't avoid him/her, ignore him.try to be with other people, if he tries to approach talk to him socially and leave his company as soon as possible.
  3. Invisible wall: there are situations you can avoid or ignore such person them at such times make an invisible wall and feel as if he isn't present. work so strongly with your mind that it should take your command of ignoring him even in his physical presence.
  4. Never respond rudely: the best way to deal with arrogant relative/friend when you can't avoid or ignore him is to never reply him back rudely, if u get irritated this will serve his purpose while introducing you to awkward situation, he will walk out smoothly saying he was 'just kidding' and you took it differently. handle smartly.
  5. Never talk bad about him in his absence: when in a family or a friend's circle you have an arrogant person Never ever talk bad about him to others, news travels, it may worsen the situation.
  6. self-respect: start respecting your self the more you respect yourself the more people around you would be accepting and respecting towards you. stay humble but never ever crib about your situation in public.
  7. Try to be happy with things you have: your happiness can be your enemies biggest failure.try to be happy doing small things, help others, stay positive.
  8. Smile and keep few choices to your self: if you Know you are in a situation where people might not understand you or your choices, keep it to yourself, keep your focus straight but maintain silence let time speak for you. Meet everybody with a smile let them be confused.
  9. Be tactful be happy: be true to yourself let an obsessed person be obsessed with himself, you should focus on your aim without letting others know much about it. let your work answer everyone.
  10. Confidence: if you are in the family that is too much into respect your elders irrespective of their being critical stay calm, be confident believe in yourself, stay grounded, work very hard, achieve your dream and shine! 
In case you have a concern or query you can always consult a specialist & get answers to your questions!
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