Issues related to communication may potentially develop in any circumstance or social relationship. It can be easy for individuals to misunderstand or misinterpret others, and these misunderstandings may lead to arguments or tension in personal or professional relationships. Conflicts in some instances in relationship can make communication even more challenging.
Effective communication is very important in couple relationship. Communication is not about how much we say but what matters is whether each partner can grasp other partner's perspective. For good communication, it is necessary to validate your partner's viewpoint.
Mostly miscommunication is the symptom of relationship troubles/conflicts rather than the cause. Conflicts in relationship develop a gap in connection which leads to lapse in communication, if individuals can improve their communication patterns then it will enhance the understanding level which in turn will help in bringing back the emotional connection among couples. Some important reason behind poor communications are:
- Harsh start-ups: An important factor of effective communication is how you initiate and ends up a conversation. When a spouse begins a conversation with acquisition, questions or criticism, it puts the other spouse into defensive mode before a healthy communication takes place. “Why didn't you deposit that cheque like you said you were going to do today? You are being so irresponsible”.
- Communication also gets affected by the state of mind of the individuals. Imagine you are waiting for your spouse to come from office to discuss some important household issues. Eventually that day he got late in office. By the time he came, he was exhausted. As you were eager you started telling him about the issue. What kind of response would you expect from this kind of scenario? Either the person will remain indifferent or he will retaliate. This can lead to the impression that your partner doesn't care and may give rise to arguments.
- Poor communication often leads to criticism. Complaints are normal but criticism deals with your spouse's character and personality, so it can be more hurtful. "You are stupid" or "You have no sense of humour".
- Among couples it is often found that conversations ends up with blaming each other. It happens when a partner is hurt due to some past unresolved conflict. It can reflect on the present conversation. Without focusing on the present issue individuals start accusing each other by putting forth past incidences. Blaming also arise when the partners doesn't take responsibility for their own words, actions, needs and desires.
- We all have a self-protection instinct. But, becoming defensive with your spouse rarely helps to resolve conflict and typically reduces the conversation into a blame game. Body language is an important factor in establishing healthy conversation. One spouse can shut down the other by sending the clear message by their body language that they aren't interested or they aren't listening. Examples: Angry glares, blank stare, rolling eyes, lack of eye contact, turning ones back to their spouse.
As I discussed in the above mentioned points, there are lots many communication issues which negatively affect the bonding among couples. It is helpful to have the support of a trained mental health professional to get professional guidance to develop effective communication skills.
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