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How To Win Over New Relationships 


A new relationship involves a lot of weighing from both the sides. Learn what really matters to win people over in this post. When you want to build a new relationship, whether it is for work, business, personal, marriage, friendship etc there are several factors that help take off and bloom the relationship. These factors are broadly the same in different age groups as far as psychological impact matters. Some of the most important influential factors from a psychological point of view have been highlighted here.

1. Presentation- When you want to draw someone into relationship with you for any reason, it is important that you present yourself at you best levels be it physical or mental. Like they say that the first impression is the best impression, your display of you strengths creates an impression that helps people decide what they want to do with you. This doesn't mean you should hide all your weaknesses but highlighting your strengths is as important as making your weaknesses clear. Always learn to put your best foot forward as sometimes that itself may not be enough. You can't really send your neighbour for your job interview!! There are many instances when people send different photographs in their applications and different ones appear for the exams. This is mere cheating and not winning.

2. Plan – Let people know what you want to do with them and what they can they can do with you. No one can say they don’t have a plan. There is always some plan. Knowing it strengthens why you want to have that relationship in the first place. Otherwise it's like something which is there but you can never want to do anything with! When you are honest with your plans and they workout as you described it, it creates confidence in relationship or else it is destroyed forever. You can cheat a person with your plans once, not forever.

3. Possibilities- Will this relationship bring me trouble? Obviously nobody wants to get into a relationship with anybody that brings them trouble be it physical or mental. Next question is whether it will benefit me? Small or big depends on person's needs. Some relationships neither bring us trouble nor benefits us, such relationships are better than the ones which can cause harm.

4. Potential – Question. Does this relationship you are trying to develop have any possibilities of growth a few or many years down the line. Obviously we have a lot of friends who wither by passing of time. Does this relationship have an expiry date irrespective of how well or bad it goes? Like when we join college we know for sure that the friends will be with us till the duration of the course and that's it. We will know that if we study together it will help us achieve great grades in college and hence a great life later. These kind of growth possibilities or possibilities of deterioration are important to be well aware of and will naturally decide the course of relationships.

5. Progress – No matter what our initial assessments are, how the relationships helps us fare in the outside world will ultimately decide the future of any relationship. Loss, sorrow, tragedy, degradation in any aspect of life, insults, injury, loss of health etc will never help any relationship continue or last.

6. Partnerships – When we want to build a relationship with someone, the best way to do it is to obviously partner with that person in as many activities as possible. The more interested a person is the more activities that person will involve you in and try to do it with you. This type of partnership activities, be it spending a few hours in the evening, or a few minutes on phone, or an association of months or years are a foolproof way to show you are interested. Conversely a person who doesn't partner with you in anything is extremely unlikely to ever have any sort of relationship with you. Partnership in activities is the only way to show and know that you are interested or the other person is interested respectively. After all chasing the moon, stars and rainbow are activities of people who don’t realize its out of their reach. Sensible people are busy with what their eyes see, hands feel, ears listen, tongue tastes and thinking perceives as appropriate.

7. Positioning attitudes- As a tree bends with the winds to prevent from cracking, we all have to be flexible with our attitudes towards each other. Being too rigid about our protocol on how relationships should run irrespective of the reality and circumstances of the person we are having a relationship with is naturally going to break relationships. After all a doctor who heals and prevents all illnesses is better than a doctor who abuses his patients for falling ill but never does anything for them. Eg: You get bed and good food in a hotel as well as at your home. A hotel will provide food only on payment of money, but family will provide it whenever your hungry. Hence hotels can never expect the same emotions as family can, and this is as natural as it should be. Hence be careful what you want from a relationship. Whether you want to be treated as a hotel or family is entirely how you play yourself with others. After all only families can expect loyalty not hotels.

8. Politeness- In any relationship, many years down the line, what our long term memory retains is how comfortable we were in that relationship. Even if we profit from a particular relationship, the fact that it shook us mentally and emotionally will never allow us to go back or retain that relationship. Life is short and the only thing that matters is to spend it comfortably. Not destroy our peace for some benefit that destroys our peace of mind.

9. Personation- While sending a representative of your organization for a client meeting may work in business, you cant really send a representative to meet you wife or kids at home. In personal relationship, lack of your physical presence obviously means that you don’t have time for them. In any relationship, individuality matters a lot. Just imagine, if all actors acted exactly the same in movies, why would you prefer any particular one over the other as your favourite? The nuances and differences in our personalities are what makes us all unique. We are not robots from a particular brand to behave exactly the same way. If a person in a relationship doesn't sense your individuality you are wasting their time by trying to have a relationship with them, especially a personal one.

10. Positive reinforcement- When we get into a relationship, it is important that we feel good about ourselves and what we are doing. If you feel like a shoplifter entering a shop, you will not feel good about that relationship. When a shopkeeper welcomes us, shows us his products, tells us their details and provides all the explanations on how we will be well off with the product, provides his guarantee for it, confirms its essence, many people buy it even if they don’t compulsively need it. It’s the same in relationships. On the same side if a shopkeeper is arrogant, avoidant, abusive, insulting etc you are very unlikely to buy anything in that shop because you are not sure that the shopkeeper means any good and will be happy with the shopkeeper s product. The experience of buying is as important as the product we buy. Nobody is happy about something they got when they weren't treated the right way or is interested in retaining it when they don’t get good service for it.

11. Persistence on all Ps – Obviously when we want relationships to last, we need to be persistent on all the above P's. Otherwise it wont take long for a relationship to be counted in “once upon a time”!! A simple conversation even if for a few minutes every now and then when you need it may make it seem that you are still there for a person. Without even that people may even find it hard to remember that they even had something to do with you sometime before keeping in mind the the numerous activities we involve daily to maintain our lifestyles.

“KNOWING IS DOING AND NOT KNOWING IS UNDOING EVEN IF DOING!”

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4 Must-Do Ways Of Coping With A Break Up 

4 Must-Do Ways Of Coping With A Break Up

Breakups can be devastating. The non-availability of a person you loved dearly can give rise to emotions of anger, helplessness, emptiness, frustration and sometimes even guilt. Coping with a break up is extremely difficult for most people. So what is the best way of dealing with it? Read on...

1. Live For Yourself

Whether it’s your sleeping habit, or tastes in food or even music preferences, a relationship calls for a compromise in either or all of these. Since you’re free now, you can indulge in everything that you had to give up on. Even if it’s something as simple as peanuts, which gave him or her allergies, you should indulge in it by the handful. Go out; don’t keep yourself cooped up at home. Meet new people, form new bonds with the people you like and do whatever makes you happy.

2. Vent Out

Call your friends or family and share the pent up feelings with them. Friends and family are sympathetic, and can act as a shoulder to cry on. However, make sure you are smart about your venting. It’s pretty easy to fall into the habit of crying and drinking, laying in your bed, wallowing in your misery and ignoring all your responsibilities. Venting helps, but not at the cost of the rest of your life. Make sure you aren’t succumbing to complete self-pity as this will only add to your depression.

3. Exercise

Exercising serves two purposes. One, it helps you get back in shape so that you feel confident and healthy. Two, exercise has been proven to reduce stress, by bringing about the release of the feel-good hormones, endorphins, in your body. Regular workouts will increase adrenaline and dopamine in your system. Being mood-enhancers, these chemicals work to make you happy and keep you stress-free.

4. Cut-off Contact

Many people say that they want to remain friends after breaking up, but that is mostly not a good idea. So what do you do? Try cutting off complete contact for a while, at least till you heal. Whether it’s Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Gmail, or Pinterest, you need to deny yourself avenues to check out either your ex-partner or your past life with them. Avoid talking on calls and texts too. Get rid of their stuff in your house. If you have a song that reminds you of the time spent with your ex-partner, don’t listen to it in the immediate aftermath of the breakup. If you can’t do this yourself, ask a friend to help keep you on track or even do it for you.

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Lessons from Deepika and Ranbir on How to Manage Relationships Against All Odds 

Deepika and Ranbir show you how to manage relationships against all odds

Relationships may or may not always pan out the way you expect them to. Be it with a friend, family member or your partner, certain relationships may end up getting bitter over time. The reasons for this may be tensions in the relationship, break-ups, lack of compatibility, infidelity, lack of attention to details, over familiarity and so on. Although such incidents may scar you forever, it is always possible to mend your relationships, if you intend to.

The first thing you can do is to try to build a new friendship, whether it’s with your ex-lover or anyone else you may have had a fall-out with. Take for example, the former couple- Ranbir Kapoor and Deepika Padukone. These Bollywood celebrities have flawlessly transitioned from being ex-lovers to being good friends.

So how did they do it?
Through 3 simple ways Ranbir and Deepika were able to heal the past and forge a new and meaningful relationship:

1. They kept it formal while setting boundaries

Ranbir and Deepika comfortably worked with each other in several movies as on-screen lovers with no insecurities. The reason they were able to do this was because they had set clear emotional boundaries.
Being secure is essential for you to stop yourself from reliving the past. Setting clear boundaries may help you in accepting that things are different now and the relationship has changed. Both the concerned people must respect each other’s decisions in order to have cordial relations and not be uncomfortable in the other’s presence.

2. They accepted the differences between them

Ranbir and Deepika were only successful in maintaining a cordial relationship because they had embraced each other’s differences rather than attempting to change each other.
You can only do this by giving yourself a little time. You can personally try to accept how every individual has a set of distinct characteristics and then try to respect and accept them for it.

3. They were polite and lived in the present

Even after having a checkered history together Ranbir and Deepika chose to remain courteous and amicable towards one another. They only focused on the present scenario, instead of mulling over past grievances - The biggest reason why they are on such good terms.
You should try to forget the past and hope for an improved future. Whether you meet at a social or an official gathering, you must hold your ground, be professional and courteous towards the concerned person. Participating in loose gossip about the individual or acting petty doesn’t reflect well on your personality.
Also, living in the past is a sign of an unhealthy state of mind. Learn to let go, and move on.

By learning from the real-life example of Deepika and Ranbir, you too can balance all your relationships well, no matter what happens.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'Consult'.
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Being Good in Bed takes much more than Knowing good Kamasutra Skills 

"Focussing only on sexual intimacy is unhelpful unless you have an emotional compatibility with your partner. This is because, good relationship and good sexual intimacy are very closely linked to each other.
Here are three top tips to help improve couple compatibility.

*Make time and Talk to Each Other: Share your day with your partner. Talk about the good things that happened, the challenges you faced and anything that strengthens the mental bond.

*Stop Criticizing: this is Something that couples desperately need to work upon. You don't have to be harsh while telling your complaints given the fact you'd have to wake up right next to your partner every day. Try converting your complaints into requests for change in them.

*Help Each Other in Your work:
Just extend your helping hand to help your partner in the things that they do. Sometimes, saying ""I am here for you"" is good enough for the person."
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4 Logical Ways to Save Your Relationship When You’re Depressed 

Ways to Save Your Relationship When You’re Depressed

The foremost thing that you can do to save your relationship is get your spouse treated for depression. When you are depressed, whether it is because of your relationship with your partner or some other reason, you must make joint efforts to save your relationship. Non depressed spouse has to take the lead. A relationship cannot go further only with the patience of one partner. Efforts and care of both the partners go hand in hand.

However, there are few things you can do even when you or your partner is depressed.

1. Communication: Don’t stop communicating with your partner. It’s very important to understand your partner’s viewpoint and to make him understand your viewpoint. Until, both of you share your thoughts and concerns; you will not be able to save the relationship.

2. Think about your commitment: When you are depressed, you might make your partner responsible for all the wrong things. You need to be wise. Don’t let one bad moment spoil your years of relationship. Think of the commitment you have made to your partner and then you might handle the situation in a more loving way.

3. Don’t leave your partner alone for longer time: After presenting your viewpoint, you must give your partner some time to digest everything. What is easy for you might be difficult for him and what is difficult for you might be easy for him? In such a case, you need to leave him alone for some time but do take care that this silence shouldn’t continue for a longer time.

4. Don’t play blame games: If you are depressed, you shouldn’t let your partner suffer from that. Do not strain the relationship any further by playing blame games. That will not help. When your spouse says something that seems negative try not to personalize it, even if it's directed at you. Attribute it to the state of depression.

While this can be a very difficult time for both you and your spouse, you can weather this storm with compassion and empathy.

If you would like to consult with me privately, please click on 'Consult'.
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Know About The New Age Relationship Killer, "Phubbing" and Ways to Combat 

How "phubbing" is killing your relationship?

It may sometimes so happen that your partner may prefer texting someone else over talking to you. Also sometimes this seemingly harmless habit can turn into an obsession, when your partner just can’t help but steal glances at his phone while you two are trying to enjoy a romantic dinner. If this turns into a constant habit that just doesn’t wear off, then chances are you’re being phubbed by your partner, and what is happening to you has a specific name. It’s called p-phubbing, which is the act of snubbing your partner by being glued to the phone.
What phubbing is doing to your relationships?

Research shows that Mumbai is the most major hub of phubbing in India. However, the spread of phubbing is not just restricted to Mumbai and has made its presence felt in other metropolitans of the country. Phubbing has led to serious relationship troubles among most couples. James A. Roberts, a professor at Baylor University, co-authored a recent study on phubbing which was published in the journal Computers in Human Behaviour. The study revealed some shocking statistics.

1. More than 46% people complained of being phubbed by their partners
2. More than 22% confessed that phubbing is a major issue in their relationship
3. And about 37% said that being phubbed makes them feel depressed at some point of time.

The study also said that there’s a direct link between phubbing and relationship issues. Phubbing is particularly problematic for those with an anxious attachment style (which makes up 20% of the population of the world), although its effects are also felt on the rest of us. More and more people feel dissatisfied with their partners who ignore them or cut them short mid-sentence to check their phones. Many even feel that their partner is no longer interested in them. For quite a few people it’s the reason behind feelings of insecurity, neglect and depression, and dissatisfaction with life in general. In fact, the study showed that some people had gone as far as ending their relationship as the situation had worsened to a level where it could not be handled.

How can you combat it?

Phubbing now poses as a social evil that must be weeded out of society. If you and your partner suffer at the hands of phubbing, then there are certain things you can do to combat it.

1. The easiest way to put an end to it is to tell your partner how it makes you feel.
2. Make certain rules regarding cellphone use when out on a date, or just spending quality time with each other at home.
3. Alternatively, you can try your partner to quit the habit by leading by example. Don’t use your cellphone at all when with your partner, and show him that spending quality time with him is more important.
4. You can also try educating your partner on the ill-effects of phubbing and how it can adversely impact your relationship. This is best done when you catch him in the act.

Sometimes your partner may not be consciously phubbing you or showing signs of an obsessive phubber, but it is still important to correct his wrong habits. Most importantly cellphones were invented to bring humanity closer, and not distance people even while they are sitting in the same room. So keep that in mind, and put an end to this unhealthy habit.

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