Social Anxiety Self-Help

Focus on others, not yourself

When we’re in a social situation that makes us nervous, many of us tend to get caught up in our anxious thoughts and feelings. You may be convinced that everyone is looking at you and judging you. Your focus is on your bodily sensations, hoping that by paying extra close attention you can better control them. But this excessive self-focus just makes you more aware of how nervous you’re feeling, triggering even more anxiety! It also prevents you from fully concentrating on the conversations around you or the performance you’re giving.

Switching from an internal to an external focus can go a long way toward reducing social anxiety. This is easier said than done, but you can’t pay attention to two things at once. The more you concentrate on what’s happening around you, the less you’ll be affected by anxiety.

Focus your attention on other people—but not on what they're thinking of you! Instead, do your best to engage them and make a genuine connection.

Remember that anxiety isn't as visible as you think. And even if someone notices that you're nervous, that doesn't mean they'll think badly of you. Chances are other people are feeling just as nervous as you—or have done in the past.

Really listen to what is being said—not to your own negative thoughts.

Focus on the present moment, rather than worrying about what you're going to say or beating yourself up for a flub that's already passed.

Release the pressure to be perfect. Instead, focus on being genuine and attentive—qualities that other people will appreciate.

Learn to control your breathing

Many changes happen in your body when you become anxious. One of the first changes is that you begin to breathe quickly. Overbreathing (hyperventilation) throws off the balance of oxygen and carbon dioxide in your body—leading to more physical symptoms of anxiety, such as dizziness, a feeling of suffocation, increased heart rate, and muscle tension.

Learning to slow your breathing down can help bring your physical symptoms of anxiety back under control. Practicing the following breathing exercise will help you stay calm:

• Sit comfortably with your back straight and your shoulders relaxed. Put one hand on your chest and the other on your stomach.

• Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for 4 seconds. The hand on your stomach should rise, while the hand on your chest should move very little.

• Hold the breath for 2 seconds.

• Exhale slowly through your mouth for 6 seconds, pushing out at much air as you can. The hand on your stomach should move in as you exhale, but your other hand should move very little.

• Continue to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus on keeping a slow and steady breathing pattern of 4-in, 2-hold, and 6-out.