Divorce Or Divorce Adjustments - All You Must Know!

A divorce is a grave event in a person’s life. For some it can be an escape from a stressful marriage or others, it could be traumatic. However, the end of marriage leaves a psychological mark on everyone and you may start to feel the stress during either the procedure or long after. There will be an onslaught of feelings such as anger, guilt, confusion, helplessness, and anxiety over the future, fear of social ostracization and if you have children, the situation will be compounded even more.  Divorce can be messy. But you can learn how to make the ordeal tolerable.

What makes two people call off their marriage?

With the onset of more progressive times, people are realizing that they do not have to stay trapped in a painful relationship even if they are urged by their families to sweep their marital issues under the carpet. Though ending a marriage is the last resort, incident rates of divorce are on the rise and there are several irrefutable reasons that can prompt this drastic measure-

• Physical or psychological abuse

• An extra-marital affair that the spouse cannot forgive

• Commitment issues- these issues usually surface when two very young and naive people get married without properly understanding that marriage entails

• Inability to get along with each other, frequent arguments, temperamental mismatch, and inability to communicate

• Addiction or drug abuse

• Financial issues

• Inequality and uneven distribution of labour between the spouses- with women becoming more aware and assertive of their rights, many refuse to bow down to regressive traditional roles delineated for them by society

• Sexual problems

Be mentally prepared

While you can never be 100% sure that your marriage is going to be terminated, there are signs that can predict that not all is well with your partnership. If you can spot these indicators or predictors, you may be able to plug the holes in your relationship-

• Contempt: your partner does not treat you with the respect that you deserve

• Criticism: your partner constantly finds faults with you and crushes your confidence with disparaging comments

• Defensive: your partner does not own up to the mistakes he/she has made and may try to pin the blame on you

• Stonewalling: your partner always avoids talking to you, discussing matters or refusing to have a conversation to discuss the problems that your marriage is encountering

But if your efforts at improving your marriage turn out to be ineffective, moreover, if you (or your child) are being abused, you should consider initiating divorce. For lesser offences such as lack of communication, the growing distance between the two of you, you can opt for counselling.

How does Marriage Counselling help?

The therapist’s office acts as neutral territory where under the counsellor’s gentle guidance the couple can air out their problems and get to the root of the dispute. Often they begin to look at their marriage and their partner in a new light and can find a way to get along.

A Few Tips to make Divorce more bearable - 

Here are a few things you can do to make divorce smoother -

• Keep the bigger picture in sight - no matter how messy the divorce proceedings are, remember you will be free at the end of it and let that propel you

• Be prepared to compromise on the divorce settlement, bickering over who gets what will unnecessarily prolong the struggle

• Confide in a loved one - while many people will censure you for getting a divorce, find those few people who understand your pain and pour your heart out to them and let them be your advisors

• Counselling may also help, your therapist will help you cope with the aftermath of divorce  

• If you have children, you need to be prepared for custody battles, talk to your lawyer to get a better understanding of the situation

• Talk to your children because the divorce will affect them too and bonding with your child during this phase can help you both

• If possible, start living separately to avoid all the negativity, and separation will help you ease into your life as a single person

Divorce and adjusting to it can take some time getting used to. However, be firm and have faith in yourself, be positive and remember there is a lot to live for; divorce is not the end of happiness.