3 Ways Parents Can Manage Exam Stress

"Adolescence is the age at which children stop asking questions because they know all the answers. "

It's exam time. There are some lucky parents who enjoy these times. I said ‘some'. For the rest of us, exam times are a source of anxiety and worries. Everyone relates to exams with anxiousness, stress etc... The only person who may be relaxing is the one who set the papers. Children are running like chickens from xerox centers to the stationary shops. From tutorials to friends. Every ping on Whats-app gives a different reaction. 

Good, bad or ugly. Reactions are uncertain. The largest anxious & worried audience is parents. Some hide their worry with smiling face. Some are anxious because their child is not even aware of his timetable. Some are shouting and some overwhelmed. 

So what does a parent need to do? There are two extreme spectrum in which parents behave. Either they are too involved or they don’t care about it and take themselves out of the picture. The best way to go is moderation. There are different ways in which parents can manage stress. Is stress, bad? No. Certain amount of stress is necessary. But we cannot be so stressed that we are not able to manage the situation in itself. So here are some offbeat look at what can be our action plan. 

1. Expectation handling.

This is the biggest challenge parents face. No matter how evolved are the parents (or for that matter

human beings) they have expectations. Even if we tell ourselves and others that we have lesser expectations than the Buddha. The fact is we are stuck. Let's face it. There is no way we can get out of the expectation cycle. But one thing we can do is manage them and keep them rational. What are rational expectations? They are realistic.They are logical. They are helpful. Many parents expect that the child should sit in one place for long hours. If children don't, parents keep on blabbering about how they don't care about exams.  

"Expectation is the mother of all frustration." Antonio Banderas

Also, there is another extreme parent. These Parents takes too much of care and pamper. Even that can trigger stress contributing thoughts. I knew a parent who took a year off from work for her son’s Tenth exam. 

So should we stop expecting? No. Even if you want you can't. Keep the expectations rational. See if they are logical. Check if they are realistic and true. And most important check the impact. Are these expectations helping you? If they are not give up some of them. Expectation handling gets better with stories, remind your self of Aesop. one of his fables is Boy and filberts. 

A Boy put his hand into a jar of Filberts, and grasped as many as his fist could possibly hold. But when he tried to pull it out again, he found he couldn't do so. The neck of the jar was too small to allow of the passage of so large a handful. Unwilling to lose his nuts but unable to withdraw his hand, he burst into tears. A bystander, who saw where the trouble lay, said to him, "Come, my boy, don't be so greedy: be content with half the amount, and you'll be able to get your hand out without difficulty."

2. Don't carry your comparison scale 

Well you cant help it. Parents carry a comparison scale in their mind about how much or how long their child should study. There is no evidence or approval of this scale. It gets created somehow on the basis of your own past or some topper saying how hard he studied. 

“Comparison is the death of joy.”  Mark Twain

Parents have a philosophy that you can't get what you want unless you go through the suffering. Thinking that this will fire them up to study more and work hard, is one big mistake that you are committing. In some cases it may work, but at this rebellious age probability of getting backfired is high. This scale will damage them life long. even when you give up these scales your child carries it. Like we have been carrying the scales parents have given us. 

3. Understand the teen brain.

 

Let me tell you the logic.The logic is teen brain develops in an interesting way. The ability to think about consequences is developing which is the frontal part of the brain. So no matter how much struggle you do many of your pep talks are going to fly off their heads unregistered. "Half baked brain, keep it baking "

“Well, no,” you have to say, “your brain is sometimes an explanation; it’s never an excuse.”  Frances E. Jensen

should be the self chanted mantra for parents. This should be your mantra for next several years unless he/she is 20. As you have already seen that your sermons have little impact on your teen as if you are a preacher in the desert. Your job is simple; see if you are giving him healthy food and a conducive environment. During exam times they may behave odd, you manage this moderate. No extreme reactions. So remind yourself the functioning of the brain & "Half baked brain, keep it baking "