Hi I am a 25 years old female, I was in a very bad pain I had panic attacks twice and all but I never gave up my confidence, (my grandma has passed away on sept 1st 2016 by suiciding at age of 76 cause of depression, I was pretty normal after that for a month, I had a small argument with my husband and I told him in a fight simply you make depressed all the time and word got stuck in my mind and I started thinking that am I depressed and will I suicide and I started comparing the symptoms she faced before death that even I have such and even I may do so. That things got me panic attacks) later I stood strong and and dared to keep thinking about whats bothering me all the time and started making the image of me suiciding or death of mine when I close my eyes and slowly fear is gone, I mean I do not panic of it anymore, then I had been to meditation classes which made me ease that death is jus a normal part of life and retardation belief made me strong. Now I go for zumba dance classes which is so interesting for me. I do not want to be on medicines anyway, only thing is I started training my subconscious mind too. That no matter I got to be happy and strong. But still I get a sudden thought do not do this you ll die anyway. But I never stopped from doing it. I fight with it showing I will do it. I keep getting a thought why all this better to die when we ll born again. But again I keep telling my self no I had been gifted this life I can not waste it. I keep telling myself never I should suicide no matter what. Thats so irritating for me. And will this thoughts be with me forever? M worried will I get back this anxiety again? Or more do I need any specific NLP or hypnosis to get back to original me? I feel like I should erase all the things from my mind from past 3 months what I was facing and be original me back? Is there any such treatment. I do all my regular activities attending parties and all but I feel that am not enjoying myself coz of something thought bothers me in between, but I was worst before only used to think abt death 24 hrs as of now I guess I hardly think 10 to 15 times a day which will give a throat ache at times and then I get to work and m normal again? Is it a must I need medicines now for this or counselling would help. And please tell me how the result would be in both ways? I may sound stupid but I want that to happen. Cause at times am very happy but such sudden thoughts make me feel worse coz thats not me. Am not a loser.