Dear doctor, my daughter 17 years old recently completed her 12th exams quite she is bright student in her class but in spite of her regular practices for her final exam she was confident for scoring 95 percentage but after completing the exams also she said she will score the expected percentage in spite of that she got only 82 percent after analyzing the papers we came to know that she has not done well she was not able to find out the reason for what happened in her exams nowadays if we say something while discussing if we call her she always often starts crying she gets irritated always in depression and mood out can I get a solution for my daughters problems and what are the rectification should be done further she should study well for her higher studies can you help me regarding this problem.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist47yrs exp

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Please talk to your daughter or show her this response. At her age she is probably going through a spurt in her male hormone, testosterone. Because of this there are three identified behaviors affected by it: she will become sexually active, aggressive and rebellious, and she will have acne and pimple problems. It is not because she wants to behave like this; it is the effect of the chemical. What you need to essentially follow is this: become her friend and stop all parenting and moralizing (that time is realistically over), meet with her friends and call them over to the house, give her a lot of time, listen to her even when you don? t agree with her (you cannot tell her anything without knowing what she has to say), follow the path of least resistance, use the help of a close relative she respects, a friend, or teacher to find out about her and to even tell her to do some things you want but all this in strict confidence. During the hormonal imbalance there will be a lot of things going on in her mind and she may temporarily lose awareness. There is nothing to worry about and this state of confusion will last for exactly two years and then it will stabilize and she will feel normal and even better. Now my biggest concern is that 82% is itself phenomenal under these circumstances and must be acknowledged by all and sundry as good achievement. We push our kids for too much and then what is actually good is seen even as failure. I suspect that she is going through this misperception. You just mark my words, she is going to do extremely well if she gets out of this slump in her mood and gets back to working smart and winning ways will come her way. These disappointments are her stepping-stones to success. All great people have experienced setbacks in their path to success, and they have become great achievers because of those setbacks. She is a great kid and has to only work through this presumed failure. Later she can always show how well she did in spite of this! 

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