Please suggest some ways to manage anger in teenagers. Who are otherwise sensible but speak very violently in rage.
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I think you must take them to a counselor soon. This is actually a transition phase when they are moving over from childhood to adulthood: sometimes they will feel and want to be treated like adults, and at other times they will feel and act like little children. They will also think that they know what they are doing but that is an immature bluff. Still, do not disagree with them outright. Let them feel that they are right but discuss the plans and decisions as though you will be going along with it but very artfully bring it back to some rationality yet make it appear that it was their decision and that it was, after all, right! They may be having a spurt in the production of the male sex hormone (for both genders), testosterone, which fortunately has a duration of two years, only. Due to this chemical alone, there are three identified features that present itself over which they have no control: They will be sexually active, aggressive and rebellious, and they will have acne and pimple problems. Then if they have unresolved childhood issues (which I suspect), they will compound the situation and fuel uncontrolled behavior. Please remember that they themselves may not be aware of all this. In their case, they are manifesting a lot of anger: do you know of any reason from their childhood that may have contributed to unresolved anger? Go to a counselor and discuss these matters over and get support to take care of them. Now, what else can you do? The parents need to become their best friends i.e. You must always ally with them and find the path of least resistance, without displaying any weakness. Communication must always be open and favorable. The moment they hide things and do not communicate with you or you withdraw, there is serious danger. So the parents must make them feel wanted and loved and must never reject or neglect them. Avoid all types of confrontations and discuss your concerns with them, openly. Never give them anything without there being some negotiations – barter with them; you give them something in return for some compliance from them. There has to be some ground rules and established boundaries in your houses. Let it appear like it is their choice to comply. You have to be strong and firm in some matters. Don’t make decisions for them: offer alternatives that help them make responsible choices. I recommend that you take them for career counseling and determine their aptitude for academic pursuits. There is no harm telling them that you are afraid as to what is going to happen to them, and afraid that you cannot handle them. This is a fact and so there is no shame in being that open to them. Remember that they are seeking attention by these means. Do not deprive them of it. In fact, listen to their arguments, and see where they are coming from and get into that frame of reference to understand them. They may be frustrated with you if you insist in having it your way, when the world is undergoing rapid changes every day. Try to understand them. Both parents must be on the same page and not argue about them in their presence. Let them know that they are dealing with a united front and that they cannot play games pitching one parent against another. But they must always feel love and acceptance. Two years will fly in a jiffy, and they will settle down very amicably. The way you deal with them, you could either escalate the situation, because you think and know that you are older and stronger; or you could facilitate a youngster to tide over this situation with great resolve and character formation, by being their best friend during this period of strife and turmoil.
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The teens need to taken for few counseling session to explain about their age, homones, friends, family, career, .etc. So they will start behaving more maturely.
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Please take teenager to counsellor before its gets worse. They explain things to him. Proper knowledge is important. And need to find the issues that make him angry.
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