I do not feel excited or elated which is supposed to happen and which happens to most guys. Instead I feel really depressed and I just want to run away from that place and confine myself to my home away from women. I know why this happens to me. I have a low self esteem issue which makes me think I am unattractive to girls so its better I avoid them so that I do not bother them with my ugliness and weird behavior. This tendency has really restricted my interaction with girls and I cannot seem to find a way outta this. Its like I want to avoid girls but at the same time I cry from inside that I am single leading to low self esteem. I am really stuck. Please help. suggestions to battle this insecurity would be highly appreciated. Thank You.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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Your weird behavior you can do something about but your ugliness is something else. It was Shakespeare who said that 'beauty is in the eye of the beholder' In other words, it is how we see ourselves or others that determine whether we are good looking or not. This perception of yours can affect self-esteem: you have rated yourself very low. There are so many options to make yourself appear better than you really are. You need to explore those options: clothing, designs, make up scents, hairstyles, speech etc. That apart, your social development need some attention. You are indeed unique and there is no one who is going to be like you, ever! You have a problem of self-acceptance, and if I may venture to say may be a rejection issue. This latter may have happened due to an actual rejection which you may have experienced very early in your life. The solution to this is a matter of genuine self-acceptance or self-love. I am not talking about narcissism: this is a genuine love of yourself. It is not based on your appearance alone. You must work on developing yourself in five areas: the physical fitness, emotional fitness, intellectual fitness, social fitness and spiritual fitness. I would also suggest you attend a good personality development program, a speech training course (I suggest the Toastmasters Club), a conversation and elocution course, and to do a personal grooming course too. Education is very good to boost self-confidence, and together with that if you develop socializing skills, you will make it big. Meet with a counselor and ask to be trained in handling emotions, and that will just take you places. Read a lot and meet lots of people, even if you feel too conscious: in time you will get out of this backwardness very well. Do physical fitness exercises regularly. Ultimately, if you believe in God, you will know that you are so precious to Him that no one else’s opinion or acceptance is as important as His. Your life will change phenomenally! The fear of people has to do with your lack of social development. We are all social animals, gregarious by nature and need each other. But if there has been poor exposure and skills around people, we become very intimidated. Surprising we are into relationships all through our lives, yet we fear people. In your head you are probably comparing yourself and worrying whether you match up or not. You may feel inferior and inadequate around them. When it comes to a girl it can get very complicated because of the sexual connotation. The depression has a lot to do with this fear. I suggest you do a personality development course and a personal grooming course too. Meet with a counselor for your depression but also deal with your emotions, extensively. The distortion about people and especially girls will also be dealt with as you develop yourself. Go to a gym and do some body building and feel your image develop into a tough and strong young man. I hope you are studying well too – education can boost your self confidence. Do a lot of deep breathing exercises to calm yourself down. The bottom-line is we all want to be loved and to love. Learn this very important need of all humans: love people. Where there is perfect love there is no fear. 

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Dr. Jagadeesan M.S.Psychiatrist13yrs exp

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You need to have psychotherapy,, to counter these negative cognitions. CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), would suit u, I guess, since u have insight 

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