Hi doctor, Am a 33 years old men working as an engineer in gulf for 5 yrs. Reasonly married a girl having 26 yr. From the college time started the masturbation and pan masala or same like till the time. When I am with my family nothing those habits. After marriage intercourse happened regularly but result was negative 2 times of her period, after 40 days leave I came to gulf. Annually only 30 days leave I have. Actually we wish for a baby but faith. My daily routine is also not in a track, no proper time for food and sleep, sometimes no food. Anxiety and stress with my job and future. In those situation am getting relaxed with porn and masturbating, the same time using pan masala or same like anything. After that always am taking decision in future am not do this, want to stop all these, but till the time I can't. Before once a day done masturbation but nowadays its 2 times. I want to stop all these and I need a good and happy life with my family. How can I prepare self for having a baby. Now I hope my semen quantity is very less. Kindly help me as soon as possible. Thanking you.

Ms. Hemal Sanjay KuntePsychologist5yrs exp

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Dear lybrate user, I understand that you are in a very difficult situation. I see that you are worried about your family life and your own habits. All human beings need love and care. Since you are staying away from your family, I guess you picked up these habits (maturbation and pan masala) because probably you were feeling lonely and needed some bodily pleasures. Please understand that pan masala can be addictive and a prolonged use may cause cancer. Masturbation is healthy when it is done to relieve your intense sexual urge. But maturbation as a habit or when done under compulsion, is harmful. If you do not control you mind, you will start maturbating more frequently but may not have the same pleasure everytime. Once you get used to the self pleasure, when you come back on leave you will not be able to enjoy sex with your wife. Hence, please try to control maturbation - initially reduce it to once a day, then may be once in 2 - 3 days and later on only when you have intense sexual urge. Watching porn is also very harmful for your marriage. What is shown in porn videos is not true in real life. If you expect similar sexual acts in your bed room, it is not possible. Sex is a physical need. And for human beings, when two partners are physically and emotionally connected, sex is pleasurable. Over exposure to violent sexual acts will make you disinterested in sex later on. It may also cause guilt and shame and aversion to sex. So to avoid both these habits try to do some activities which are healthy, like start some physical exercise, go for walk, cycling etc. If possible learn some yoga/pranayama. This will help you in relieving your physical and mental stress. If you have faith in your religion then start some rituals that you believe in. More importantly, please try to understand that this job is keeping you away from your family and you are deprived of some basic needs like love and care. You also mentioned that you live without food sometimes. In such situation, you may think about other job options in india. There are so many people who work here. Try to find out jobs suitable for your skills. May be you can just start something on your own. I understand that you are very keen to have a baby. But it is a huge responsibility. So first, make a good emotional connect with your wife, have some future plans together. Your child will need his/her father, please remember that. So think rationally. Take care. 

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