Hello Doctor, my cousin brother frequently falls in love or so as he calls it. His attractions last for 2 months at the most, even then he becomes desperate to a point that the girls feel irritated. We have tried to make him understand but all in vain. He is 27 but he keeps on sharing his feelings and opinions with all his relatives and friends and is dependant on them for suggestions. Now, he is attracted to a girl in his office who wears revealing clothes. He keeps making comments like" her back is so beautiful" etc, to his other colleagues who do not take it well. In his defence, he says that he blurts out such things as the girl in question wears revealing clothes. We have tried to make him understand that choice of clothes is personal but he still behaves like an obsessed lover and has even embarrassed himself in office as the girl threw a chocolate that he had gifted her saying that" I am not a commodity which you can possess if and when you want" Is there something wrong with his mentality? Please suggest what to do as all of us are worried about him.

Ms. Hemal Sanjay KuntePsychologist5yrs exp

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It appears to me that your cousin behaves irresponsibly. I sense that some of his acts are intentional. He probably wants attention or may be he thinks that he can misbehave and get away with it. I think the fault lies with him as well as his parents. He has not learnt his own boundaries and he does not respect others' boundaries. Most probably, while he was growing up, he was conditioned to behave like this and that is why he thinks" it's ok to behave like this" but I am wondering - why are you people so worried about a 27 year old guy? stop mothering him. Let him take responsibility for his own behaviour. Please understand that his" misbehaviour" is his problem and not yours. Let him face the consequences of his own behaviour and then he will learn from it. Don't try to protect him that time. He is not a small child. If you people keep worrying for him like this, he will continue behaving like this. There is nothing wrong with him, mentally. The upbringing and conditioning is faulty. But it is high time he understands this and corrects himself. Do not encourage and/or entertain any of his disclosures. Concentrate on your own life. 

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