Hi I am a mother of 2, an architect but have never had a constant job. Gave up for all the family reasons like kids, care for elders, family etc. My husband is into business but he is never had a constant source of income. He is from the past 5 years dependent on my family, sometimes he earns or borrows from his family and takes care of his needs. Me and my kids my family is supporting us. My family thinks I should leave him because of this and am not sure as my younger one is attached to her father and not sure how she will take it. He manipulates kids emotions to suit his will, so am scared if something goes wrong. Also, have been trying to start something, have been unsuccessful. Need to really get out this rut, please help.

Dr. Dolly AnadkatPsychologist10yrs exp

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Dear friend, from what ever you have told so far, I understand that it must be very tough for you to manage and hold everything together so far. Also my perception is that you are not only smart, intelligent, loving and caring but you are also strong woman. I think I am safe in believing that your husband, for what ever reason is not willing to work hard and earn to support himself and his family. I would not be surprised if he is an addict (drinking or something other). (if this is not the case, then you need to take him to a psychologist or counselor for help and support, as he might be depressed due to multiple unsuccessful attempt in his business. If he has support and love, he can bounce back and you all could have your happy life back.) if he has chosen not to work and live on others' income and support, it is best if you separate from him and start your independent life. Of course as you know this is a major decision and needs to be taken after thinking thoroughly and with due preparation. I would suggest you to start your on business. As you have your family's support, it will be relatively easy to start working and getting financial independence. It may take some time but during this time, you need to think pros and cones of leaving your husband. How your life will be different and what kind of help and support you might need and how could you make sure you have it this is also a good time to slowly talk to your kids and prepare them for the situation. You may tell them your perspective and tell them they will be able to continue their relationship with their father. Telling lot of negative things about your husband is not a good idea because then they will be confused and if they believe what you are saying then they might also believe what your husband tells them. It is always a good practice to be honest and authentic and focus more on how you both independently are good human being but together you are not helping each other and you are not happy together. Hence, you have decided to go your separate ways. I would strongly recommand you to be financially independent when you are along instead of depending on your family for your basic need. This will set a very good example for your kids and it will make them stronger and better adults as they grow up. And it will also play crucial past in building your self confidence and self esteem. I wish you very best in the process. Please engage yourself in some kind of relaxation exercises and activities. Regular meditation will help you stay calm and focused. Also daily physical exercise will help you manage your stress. Eat well and sleep well. More raw vegetables in form of salad and yogurt also helps both in maintain and building your immune system. If you need personal help to think this through and in making a sound strategic plan, feel free to contact me or call me any time. Hope this helps, wishing you very best, 

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