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Hey, I was sexually abused from the age of 2(at age 2 what happened and who did it - i still remember). I was also abused by two cousins in later ages. I was raped by my step-father at the age of 17 and this continued till age 24. Initially i was afraid to tell my mom but within 8 months she come to know, she did not bother to save me instead she started to think i cheated on her. For the last one yr, i'm on my own, but all these past memories are haunting me. Couldn't concentrate on my studies. Till today, I'm not able to trust any men. When i look at men, adrenaline rushes, only thing comes to my mind is to escape from that person or place as early as possible. I feel guilty, and blame myself for everything that happened to me. Sometimes, i dont hear what people talk, i'm completely in a different world. When i say that i didnt hear, they scold me for being irresponsible. No one is understanding me. People who know my past, verbally abuse me. I'm tired and sick of this. All negative thoughts circles in my head, i keep thinks that i'm worthless and wanna escape from all this. I feel hopeless, helpless and keep crying to myself. Please Save me from myself. Please
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What happened with you is not your fault or responsibility. The perpetrators are at fault for abusing you. They broke your trust. You were young and probably scared to say anything. You need a combination of counselling and psychotherapy and psychiatric treatment to help you overcome your memories and become functional once again.
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