My question pertains to a psychologist or to a clinical psychologist. Me, my wife and my younger sister were living together till 15 months of our marriage. I am a Govt Employee and works on a critical position which requires lots of maturity, gratitude and mental strength. Now from past 7 months Me and my wife are living separately after a series of quarrels between us. My major problem with her was:- A). Her incompetence in terms of dealing with simple situations and her immaturity in taking day to day decisions. B). She was low on confidence and poor in learning, even while being with a cooperative nature. C). She was a stubborn and possibly a person with acute inferiority complex. I used to be too particular about things and with an angry nature. I think I've been very very Successful in coping up with my impulsive anger and I've made relevant changes in myself. Though I've loosed hope that she could turn out to be a mature girl at all. But It was only her emotional cooperation because of which I'm trying consulting you to figure out if I should go for a divorce or should I still give our relationship a chance and if yes Doctor, then how can I expect a change in her? I've a soft corner for her somewhere in me however when I recall her kiddishness, my mind says its better to divorce and search for a person with same mental level. It's a life call. please guide

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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You are better off with this girl than with an over-smart girl whose demands may be more than one can handle. While it is prudent to have an educated girl who reaches your mental level of compatibility, the issues you describe are matters that can be resolved with some counseling, really. Anyway, my advice to all couples is to first do everything in their capacity to find resolutions and only then, if the situation is very difficult, should you consider divorce. If you fail do do this, you may have regrets and your conscience may disturb you enough to really trouble you later wherever you go. This soft corner you have for her is really love, and you must not neglect that feeling you have for her, by not doing the right thing. You must also think of her and whether this nature of hers is because of some contribution from her upbringing and it would do good to help her, through with some professional help. In other words you cannot blame her all the way for any failure on her family's side in her upbringing. Be patient, love her tenderly, coax the best part of her to the fore with yoru maturity, and let her simplicity be, as an asset to her innocence. It is not true always that matching education brings about good relations: in fact it may have the reverse effect. These kind of girls make good wives but probably bad companions. This latter you can find in other relationships, subject to your keeping them clean. The home is made of loving hearts, and for that you can go to the ends of the earth to find one: I believe you have one there right in your home. Please go back to her and work with a professional to iron out the problem areas and to help you live with and in love. 

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