I am 19 and i'm studying. I am in a love relation last year and that existed only 6 months. The girl said that she cannot accept me as her lover. She said that i am only a friend to her. But till now i am not able to forget the girl I loved. Please help. Me. What should I do?

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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If you had broken up and you are still thinking about her, it only means that you loved this girl very much. Since she was the one to break up with her, you must accept this wish of hers and move on. The clock cannot be turned back again, I suppose. You might have probably entered into a symbiosis and her leaving has become too difficult. That itself might be the reason for the breakup. Girls want a relationship where independence is respected and there is no clingy behavior. You have got to look into this aspect of your personality. Are you becoming too dependent on the girl and therefore demanding? This is not a welcome feature for a girl to want to maintain this relationship. You must develop yourself to become independent and responsible. Maintain respectful distance. There are three important developments in an individual that creates an autonomous personality: intimacy, awareness, and spontaneity. Of these, awareness is of great importance: it will help you know yourself internally and to also make you conscious of other people around you. Such a person is able to meet his needs and that of the other in a balanced manner. You must learn to do this soon. You are still young and have a lot to learn. In fact when you are in a college, you will meet many girls and will interact with them. If you resolve the symbiosis, you will do really well. Meet with a counselor and describe your longings, needs and wants, openly. Take your parents along and let them describe your entire life till now and the counselor will get an understanding of your plight. Remove everything that is a reminder of this girl and start working on your development. Demonstrate how you will look after yourself and work on doing that. Learn independence skills and do a personality development course too. 

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