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I need help. I have been suffering from mental illness (anxiety and depression) on and off for the last 10 years. I am male, 26 years old, preparing for civil services exam. The first time depression started when I was in kota in 2009, then I even did not know what I was going through. Someone took me to a doctor after many months of suffering. I started taking medicines and depression got better but anxiety remained. I gave my exam of 12th in that anxiety and did poorly as compared to my 10th. Then, I started, yoga,meditation etc ,got admission in engineering college and somehow depression reduced to some extent but mild to moderate anxiety was consistently there. At that time I did not know what is this happening to me. I thought depression and anxiety was the same thing. I did not take any medicine from 2011 to 2016 and I was doing okay. In 2016 I was feeling very much anxious again and had to visit aiims, said the whole story to the psychiatrist. He gave escitalopram 10 mg and clonazepam 10 mg. I started eating those medicines but did not take for many days as I got better in a few days. So I never visited again and neither did I complete the course of medicine. I had to visit again in 2020 since I was feeling very anxious during exam days or few days before exam or when I started preparing seriously for exam, and doctor asked me where were you for such a long time? I said I never realized in these years that I had depression or anxiety, I was doing absolutely fine. He again gave me escitalopram and clonazepam (sos) for 3 months but when 3 months was about to complete, lockdown happened, I could not go again. I ate medicines for 3 months and then left but after leaving some withdrawal symptoms used to come like before eg- heaviness of my head, anxiety,twitching of mouth muscles and then I have to start the medicine again. I want to quit medicines for forever, kindly help me to manage anxiety without this medicine and also diagnose me properly as depression and anxiety is so mixed that only recently I discovered that I had anxiety also. All these years I thought I had depression only.


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