Sir.M a student . M 22 years old girl. I dnt knw how to start. Bt i m under depression from past 1-2 years. It a started when i went into a serious relationship with a guy. I always expected a lot of things frm him.Bt in return i have always suffered.Exactly i dnt knw hw to express what i feels. But smtimes i feel like hurting myself. My heart beats very fastly n i start hitting my legs hands everything on a wall. I dnt knw. I behave like a mental patient. M nt able to overcome this. This happens only when it comes to my relationship.I have tried to break it.Bt m nt able to tolerate that. Plz give me a an appropriate answer.Plz

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist48yrs exp

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You may not be depressed per se but you certainly are hurting very badly because of this guy you love. I think that your expectations of this fellow may be too much for him, or it may not be normal. You also may be trying too hard to make him into something that you want. You cannot do this to people you love. You must give them the freedom to be what they are and to love the person for what he is. If you try to change him, then you will start controlling. Now nobody likes that. In fact, if he did that to you, you also will feel stifled and sooner than later you will want to dump him. You have heard it said, ?If you love someone, let them go and if it is meant for you, he will return. Do you have that kind of faith? I don?t think so. This could be entirely your problem. I would imagine that even if this boy wants to change to please you, he may be getting so angry that he will willfully not do what you want him to do. So then that will make you angry too. Now, how can such a relationship work out? Also think, if he knows that you behave in this manner, will he want to spend the rest of his life with you? You may be quite insecure and afraid to want to control another person like this. This is not love. Talk to a counselor and learn to deal with your insecurities to be a better girlfriend. Never hurt yourself any more. Remember that you must love giving the other person his space, and you will have a better relationship. If you cannot do that, then you need help. I am not suggesting that the boy is good or bad. I am telling you these things because you have told me what you are going through. I don't know him well enough to judge him anyway. 

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