Dear Doc. My sister acts younger than her age but really studies well. Parents are not in her support n she feels out of the family. Also, she has a very poor self confidence n does not speak to her own people but talks in the crowd boldly. She gets nightmares of a very bad experience. Kindly help save my sis who is in 10th std now She has a lot of pressure n her anger may also be life-taking. Kindly do a needful psychology to help her.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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I think you must take her to a counselor soon. This is actually a transition phase when she is moving over from childhood to adulthood: sometimes she will feel and want to be treated like an adult, and at other times she will feel and act like a little child. She will also think that she knows what she is doing but that is an immature bluff. Still do not disagree with her outright. Let her feel that he is right but discuss the plans and decisions as though you will be going along with it but very artfully bring it back to some rationality yet make it appear that it was her decision and that it was after all right! She may be having a spurt in the production of the male sex hormone, testosterone, which fortunately has a duration of two years, only. Due to this chemical alone there are three identified features that present itself over which she has no control: she will be sexually active, aggressive and rebellious, and she will have acne and pimple problems. Then if she has unresolved childhood issues (which I suspect), they will compound the situation and fuel her uncontrolled behavior. Please remember that she herself may not be aware of all this. In her case, she is manifesting a lot of anger: do you know of any reason from her childhood that may have contributed to unresolved anger? Go to a counselor and discuss these matters over and get support to take care of her. Now what else can you do? The parents need to become her best friends i.e. you must always ally with her and find the path of least resistance, without displaying any weakness. Communication must always be open and favorable. The moment she hides things and does not communicate with you or you withdraw it, there is serious danger. So the parents must make her feel wanted and loved and must never reject or neglect her. Avoid all types of confrontations and discus your concerns with her, openly. Never give her anything without there being some negotiations ? barter with her; you give her something in return for some compliance from her. There has to be some ground rules and established boundaries in your house. Let it appear like it is her choice to comply. You have to be strong and firm in some matters. Don?t make decisions for her: offer alternatives that help her make responsible choices. I recommend that you take her for career counseling and determine her aptitude for academic pursuits. There is no harm to tell her that you are afraid as to what is going to happen to her, and afraid that you cannot handle her. This is a fact and so there is no shame in being that open to her. Remember that she is seeking attention by these means. Do not deprive her of it. In fact listen to her arguments, and see where she is coming from and get into that frame of reference to understand her. She may be frustrated with you, if you insist in having it your way, when the world is undergoing rapid changes every day. Try to understand her. Both parents must be on the same page and not argue about her in her presence. Let her know that she is dealing with a united front and that she cannot play games pitching one parent against another. But she must always feel love and acceptance. Two years will fly in a jiffy, and she will settle down very amicably. The way you deal with her, you could either escalate the situation, because you think and know that you are older and stronger; or you could facilitate a youngster to tide over this situation with great resolve and character formation, by being her best friend during this period of strife and turmoil. 

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