I had divorced with my first wife a have a girl child. Now I have a girlfriend who cares so much for me. But due to my aggressive nature I sometimes used to beat her up, control her. I can't even tolerate if she chats or talk with her male friends. Moreover as I'm unemployed it really disturbs me a lot. I'm also addicted to alcohol, marijuana and cigarettes. If things are not going my way I would block her every where. I don't want to hurt her doctor please advise me what do I do to make our relationship better.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist47yrs exp

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You must respect your girlfriend and live with her with love. Any sign of abuse in courtship itself is a bad sign and it indicates that you are not suitable for her. So if you really want to have and keep her, you must behave like a gentleman and be kind to the lady. Perhaps you have not learnt lessons from your first marriage. For this I suggest that you visit a counselor and deal with yoru issues. Apart from that your addictions themselves do not qualify you for this relationship. If you are addicted, your first love will be your substance of abuse. There are a lot of problems (probably from childhood) that needs to be addressed in therapy regarding your tendency to become addicted. Under the influence of substances, you will be in an altered state of personality, which may lack confidence and maybe make you more insecure. You need to meet an addiction counselor and work for a long time on your difficulties. If this girl is deserving, you will do anything for her if you truly love her. Your insecurities around her speaks about your inadequacies and not hers. If you can't trust her around other men, you are suffering from personal issues and you are not able to trust.  

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