I get conscious in whatever I do at job or normal conversations or with friends, and fail to express myself the way I want to. Also, I think a lot before doing even small things which shows negative on my decision making ability at work. Because of this I am low in self-confidence and have inferiority complex. I have this disorder since childhood. Please guide as to how can I overcome my this problem of'getting conscious' for everything I do, because it is affecting my social and professional life badly.

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist47yrs exp

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You may be an introvert. This is a problem of fearing people for what they think about you. Yes, people will often judge you but that is not the final word. When we try to read other people?s mind we will always think that they know the worst things about you, that your flaws are easily visible, and then you feel self-conscious and guilt. This is all far from the truth. People do not know you, even if they are married to you for many years!!! In fact, you do not know yourself for many years and may go to your grave with a minimum understanding of yourself. So, face people with confidence, knowing that they are the least knowledgeable about you. Sometimes, your family may not have socialized much and that can also give you a disadvantage about mixing and meeting people. This can be unlearned and you can make a new beginning and easily become a social butterfly. Many people have hesitations about social situations and are in the same boat: you have a lot of company. The bottom line is that you have fear: deal with your fear and people will seem different, and not so threatening. The ability to socialize is a natural ability in all of us. If it was not stimulated early in your life, now is not too late. We are all gregarious by nature, and need each other, to the extent that we are all interdependent. This usually has to do with your self-esteem or how you feel the others rate you. It is indicative that your own assessment of yourself is poor or is comparatively inadequate. Feeling inadequate is just that: it is a feeling, it is not necessarily true. Do some personality development work with a counselor, or attend these classes to shape your persona and improve your image and esteem. This will go a long way to get out of this quandary you find yourself in. And do not live by the opinion of others too much, unless there is a genuine concern about yourself. This way you may lose your identity. I will not be surprised, if that is an issue too. We are born because of a relationship. We develop because of one too. Finally, we are dependent in life and succeed in life depending on our ability to relate well and comfortably with other people. So relating to people is a very important aspect of our personality. You may not be a people-person and will therefore fear the acceptance or not of others. This fear is quite often unfounded. You should also go for counseling to identify what in your upbringing may have contributed to this situation. That can then be worked out and resolved. Do attend a gym to work out a good body for good self-image. If you need public speaking skills, attend the Toastmasters Club. Sometimes the fear will cripple your ability to hold a conversation. In that case, you could do a conversation development course and improve the art. The main thing is to help you get over the fear, which as mentioned earlier may be unfounded. But if you deal with that fear, you could quite easily come out of this and become an extraordinarily successful individual in all spheres in life. I recommend that you meet people by attending conferences, seminars, workshops, meetings, and social clubs. In time this anxiety will dissipate and disappear, completely. 

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