I have been in severe depression for 11 months due to various reasons like exam pressure, family issues and I am also a hypochondriac. I was preparing for upsc. I had put all my efforts and trusted a lot in god. But every time before exam I used to panic due to my past failures and use to fail in upsc also. I used to give up on studies 2-3 months before my exam. Then, after some traumatic events, I had lost all faith, felt very nervous sad nauseatic and all severe symptoms were involved. I had many traumas which made me go into depression. I have slowly recovered. I left my family and shifted to another place, got a new job, and stooped preparing for upsc Now my issue is that whenever I think about going back to my home or start preparing for upsc again, I do not feel that will coming naturally to me. I mean I do not feel like going back to home or studying again. The new job I have is a struggle for me, but at least it does not feel but I feel bad when I think about my home. Why do I feel bad 'dark' 'horrible' I want to start preparing for upsc but I can not even see my books and the thought of home scares me. Other than that I am doing good in everything. I have friends, I go out, I take care of myself.