Hello Dr. M in a relationship with a guy since one year. He dnt want to go for a intercaste marriage. He says he love me. But sometimes I feel he is not 100 per into me. We work at sme place. Now he wants to hve a physical relation vth me. I don't feel to be physical with me. I am. Not getting fillings. Though I l've him. I dnt know wht stops me for being physical with him. He talks with other females at work that I don't like. I want all his attention on me only. we have been fighting on this matter a lot many times. He is trying to work the relation. What should I do now. i'm tense. we had a fight because of this lady at work. N he does not even talk with me for 6 to 7 days. He wants to make all this lady happy n not me. What should I do.

Ms. Meeta VermaPsychologist10yrs exp

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Hi lybrate-user, Please trust your gut feelings and instincts with regard to this person. It is best not to engage in any act which you are not comfortable doing just to prove your feelings. Your mind and body give you active signals for your well being, listen to them. At the same time, please remember that we cannot demand or extract love, attention or commitment from another person. They are either there for you or not. Their actions, concern for your feelings and way of relating to you can add to your sense of security, happiness and well being or make you feel insecure and jittery. If you are feeling insecure without making unreasonable demands on his time and attention then please follow your instincts. You can't force anyone to change their behaviour beyond a point. Speak to a trusted friend, colleague or family member and take their help. See if you will be better off leaving this relationship instead of struggling to make it work because it seems you are beginning to feel under valued too. Lastly, do check if you have some unreasonable demands or expectations from a relationship that the person should talk to you only and spend all his time with you only etc. If that is the case then it would be good to explore more healthy understanding of a relationship where both people have their own life, profession, set of friends, ideas, viewpoints etc. They allow each other the space to grow as individuals, value each other and add to each other's sense of well being and happiness. My suggestion is also to get in touch with a psychologist to objectively explore your feelings and the relationship so as to take a decision for your own good. Hope this helps. Take care.  

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