Im 23 years old and i m leaving on hostel for the first time nd I have a problem of running from the situation rather than facing it In hostel and college I have no friend until or unless I go and talk with them dy will talk me odrwise dy will never come forward and talk to me even I dnt have the my roomie I live alone in my room no one wants to live in my room cause the reason behind is that dy feel that im a very dominating person nd rude nd straight forward person like whatever comes in my mind I say that dy dnt like ds nd no even comes in my room also in class also very few people are der whch jst talk wd me like jst formal conversation Even last time I had a argument wd one of the hostel girl nd instead of facing her I came running in my room nd in frustration I started beating my slf wd the scale on my hand I did ds first tym in my entire life also I slap myself hand on cheeks. Even I havnt share anything wd my parents nor wd my friends I feel very lonely and stress out and im not indulge in the activities of smoking and all such things. Even I do walk in evening for around 1 hour daily bt no one joins me even if I have to go to doctor to somewhere else no pne join me I go alone dere. Even I have a short height and if some one comments me I can not bear dt comments it literally hurts me half of mind is disturb due to my short height I have d fear of facing new people coz dn I start thinking what dy will nw comment on me regarding my appearance whn dy will knw my age it literally dstrb me due to ds I get less interacted wd people so that I need to face less tantrums from society Please tll me what should I do?

Dr. Saul PereiraPsychologist46yrs exp

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You are indeed unique and there is no one who is going to be like you, ever! You have a problem of self-acceptance, and if I may venture to say may be a rejection issue. This latter may have happened due to an actual rejection which you may have experienced very early in your life. The solution to this is a matter of genuine self-acceptance or self-love. I am not talking about narcissism: this is a genuine love of yourself. It is not based on your appearance alone. You must work on developing yourself in five areas: the physical fitness, emotional fitness, intellectual fitness, social fitness and spiritual fitness. I would also suggest you attend a good personality development program, a speech training course (I suggest the Toastmasters Club), a conversation and elocution course, and to do a personal grooming course too. Education is very good to boost self-confidence, and together with that if you develop socializing skills, you will make it big. Meet with a counselor and ask to be trained in handling emotions, and that will just take you places. Read a lot and meet lots of people, even if you feel too conscious: in time you will get out of this backwardness very well. Do physical fitness exercises regularly. Ultimately, if you believe in God, you will know that you are so precious to Him that no one else?s opinion or acceptance is as important as His. Your life will change phenomenally! You have probably not developed socializing skills while you lived with your parents. It is still not too late. Because you are scared of people you will tend to be rude. You must learnt how to interact with others. We are all social animals and gregarious by nature. You have not had sufficient exposure that has made it difficult. You will need to work this out because you have to spend several years with yoru fellow students. This is a very good opportunity to work this out with a counselor. You need to love yourself and others to make a good change.  

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