what is happening. There are times when I am really happy and enthusiastic and at times I just want to sleep or sulk or cry about things. I am a final year student doing BDS. I never actually wanted to become a doctor, let alone becoming a dentist. And I have actually started hating this field like anything. I always had an interest in arts and English but I got admitted in a medical college. Interests and profession have become two different things in my life and I am one of those people who do not like being forced things upon. I hate attending my college because it teaches bds. When I am around my friends at the college I am normal. I had always been the creative of the lot, someone who was always good in English. Didn't like studying the conventional way. And lived her dreams. Lately I've been feeling like all of these basic elements have somehow been crushed or taken away from me. I feel so depressed at times that I feel like shouting and hurting myself and at times I am so happy and energetic that I spend one entire day doing tremendously tiring stuff and still am happy and enthusiastic. I am feeling like this might be bipolar syndrome (because I am studying medicine and now know what bipolar syndrome sounds like. Also I've been in a relationship with a guy for about 4 years. He is a great guy and really loves me a lot. Even I love him. I have always been the outgoing type and he is kind of boring. Secondly, he is very sexually active and I am not. Basically, to put it in correct way, I am very Indian in terms of sexuality and sex and stuff. Whereas he is a guy and his needs to be in a physical relationship are much more than mine. But I do not like sex. I've never had it and I don't really like the idea of having sex at such an early age (before wedding). This relationship aspect is much deeper. I would explain it once you reply to my query. But currently I need help!
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Pursue your dreams, finish the course since you have come so near. There are many docs who have left their profession and gone for designing, modelling and arts/ creative career, etc. Regarding bipolar disorder, based on what you have told it can not be diagnosed. With respect your boy friend, both of you need to talk with each other regarding common ground between emotional and sexual relationship, and it is wise to postpone it till after marriage as you have been doing. All the best.
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Dear lybrate-user, I can understand how you may be feeling. The problem is between the heart and the head wanting two very different things. You dreams and desires have been burdened with a BDS degree is what I understand from what you're saying. Doesn't sound like bipolar syndrome, more like anxiety and hyperactivity, you are trying to overcompensate and trying to find happiness wherever you can. I would suggest that you try not to diagnose yourself. Instead start by taking a nice big deep breath. Then put down all that you have been feeling on a sheet of paper, let it al out. You will feel lighter. Next, the boyfriend bit, if he loves you truly which I am assuming that he does since you've been together a while, he will respect your wishes, have an open conversation, you don't have to feel pressured into doing anything that you don't want to do. Again, breathe, you're safe. If you have certain beliefs that's perfectly fine, you can find a middle path. You said there is more, pls feel free to msg me here for a private consult. For the moment, I hoped you feel better. Take care.
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