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There is no dearth of people out there who operate with other people with negative and bad behaviour. You may find them within your family, neighbour, workplace, associates and friends too. When you have to deal with the negative behaviour of the people every day or you when you cannot avoid them, then they will possibly make your life miserable. Today Psychologist & Relationship Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares some important tips to deal with people's unpleasant behaviour effectively.
Psychologist Sadhoo shares that when someone exhibits destructive, mean or otherwise non-caring behaviour, they are usually acting out from something going on with them, not with you. They may say it is about you – “Oh, you make me SO mad!” – but the reality is that people who manifest these negative behaviours are showing an outward display of inward pain or hurt.
It is true that it is not easy to remember that the other person is in pain when he/she is yelling at you, trying to undermine you, being unnecessarily nasty, and/or ignoring you. However, if you don’t recognise that they are in pain, you will be at the biggest loss, their pain actually becomes your pain, you will keep thinking as to how to deal with them next time, you will think about saying just the right thing to knock them off.
In other words, your mind and your attention will be drawn to the person’s negative behaviour. The problem here is that the other person behaiour doesn’t change. Your attempts to say “just the right thing” won’t shift their unhappiness within themselves (unless you are a trained therapist). So the cycle continues. They act badly, you react and feel bad, and nothing changes.
Next time you encounter someone’s bad behaviour, realise that you can own your reactions and actions, and can actually shift the dynamic and lessen the sting inflicted by the negative person. It takes work and it isn’t easy, but if you are game, try these five steps next time you encounter the difficult ones:
1. Seek to understand. When you first time experience a bad behaviour, instead of wasting your mental energy on pain , anger and emotions, ask yourself: “Is there something else at work here?” You typically react to the bad behaviour; instead, simply pause to ask what’s underneath the bad behaviour. Some negative actions require compassion, which mostly are loathed to give when they have been injured somehow.
2. Do Analysis. Instead of just reacting and then trying to find a pal with whom you can share what has happened and tell all the bad words about the person’s bad behaviour, take a moment to act like a detective and analyse the situation with facts and data: “My boss always yells, he seems to like to yell about everything, perhaps that’s what he thinks is the desired way of talking to juniors and delegate or assign work. I am not here to change him nor I have the time to do so, so let me just finish my work instead of focusing on the behaviour.
3. Identify the impact. If your sister in law is just an unhappy and a rude person, but it doesn’t really affect anything in your life? If someone is negative toward you, and it doesn’t really impact you, just let it go. Let her stay happy in her world and you in yours.– just walk away, and get on with your day.
4. Giving up the desire to win: Yes, this one is extremely difficult, especially in personal relationships when you know you are “right”. Fighting to win doesn’t actually benefit anyone. It just leaves negative feelings in its wake and makes things worst for the future. So the intelligence is not in repeatedly trying to prove your point and wasting your time and energy, just learn to walk away.
From a neurobiological perspective, love is seen similar to addiction, when we fall in love, our brain gets flooded with a host of "feel good" neurochemicals like - adrenaline, dopamine, norepinephrine, serotonin. These chemicals cause us to feel highly motivated to do things that may seem impossible otherwise, like staying up all night talking or chatting to the person you love on the phone, feeling the deep desperation or the desire to meet your lover, ready to physically harm self for a person whom you know just year or months back.
As our relationship progresses and we begin to settle into our daily life with our partner those neurochemicals settle too. This is ultimately for the best otherwise humans would not be able to progress in other aspects of their life efficiently if they keep themselves completely submerged into the thoughts and feelings of their partner 24X7 (like in the initial phase).
When a breakup occurs, especially at an advanced stage of the relationship, human brain gets accustomed to the feel-good neurochemicals that their togetherness has generated over the time. Hence the brain pressures the person to seek the physical presence of the lover so it can again generate the feel-good neurochemicals. In human behavior, this process is reflected by a sudden shot of happy memories and realising that he/she is no longer with us.
So who feels the pain more Men or Women?
According to the researchers from Binghamton University and University College London, Women tend to feel the emotional pain associated with a breakup more acutely than men, but men take longer to "get over" their former lover.
Although the research found that women tend to feel the physical and emotional pain associated with a breakup more acutely than men do, they also found that both the sexes reported feelings, different breakup-related emotions in about the same proportions. For example, both men & women reported anger and depression, troubled sleep, struggle with their weight or experience panic attacks after a breakup.
So, why women get more affected by breakups than men? Well, from a scientific standpoint, women typically have more at stake in relationships than men do. Women are evolved to invest far more in a relationship than a man. A brief romantic encounter could lead to nine months of pregnancy followed by many years of lactation for a woman while the man may leave the scene' literally minutes after the encounter with no further biological investment. This knowledge is rooted in a woman’s brain from the stone age.
The study also shows that men may have a different set of emotional scars following a breakup. The man is likely to feel the loss deeply and for a very long period of time as it 'sinks in' that he must 'start competing' all over again to replace what he has lost — or, worse still, comes to the realisation that the loss is irreplaceable.
Unfortunately, if you know someone or you yourself are in a relationship with a partner who is cunning, pathological liar, narcissistic, abusive and/or you may not know what you’re dealing with.
Emotional abuse is a form of abuse in which a partner uses verbal assault, fear, or humiliation to undermine the other person's self-esteem and self-worth. Emotional abuse, in reality, can be said worse than physical abuse. Physical abuse can easily be identified by self and by others and generally gets cured with medication whereas emotional abuse leaves no physical marks but destroys the victim’s emotional and psychological well-being, sometimes permanently.
Hence it’s very important that everyone should know the signs of emotional abuse, essentially to understand such situations if ever happens to us or to our loved ones. Eminent Relationship and Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares the signs of emotional abuse as:
Frequent accusations and blame game: If one partner always tries to shift the responsibility and holds another person responsible for their relationship degradation and the rise of issues. The abusive partner hence frequently will use phrases like: “It’s your fault.” What’s wrong with you?” “You didn’t remind me.” “Nothing I do is ever enough.”
Ignoring and silent treatment is too frequent and a common behaviour: One partner shows repeated behaviour of refusing to listen and ignoring their partner’s questions, withholding eye contact and gives “silent treatment.”
Such an act is generally been used to conceal information about where he/she is going, when he/she is coming back, about financial resources and bill payments etc. Gradually such behavior is added with withholding approvals, appreciation, affection, information, thoughts and feelings to corner and control the victim
Contradicting: The abusive partner disapproves and opposes the victim’s thoughts, perceptions or their experiences of life itself. No matter what the victim may say, the abuser uses contradicting arguments to frustrate the victim and wears him/her down.
Disparaging humour: Verbal abuse is often disguised as jokes. The abuser teases, ridicules, and humiliates the victim with sarcastic remarks about his/her appearance, personality, abilities, and values. The abuser makes fun of their partner in front of friends and family because the abuser knows that victim will avoid a public confrontation.
Judging and criticising: The abuser frequently uses harsh and unfair criticism in an effort to make the victim feel unreasonable and guilty.
Remember a healthy, non-abusive relationship is built on support, admiration, empathy, balance, and personal responsibility. These elements add up to a love built on mutual respect. If your relationship feels more abusive than loving, seek help from a therapist.
A romantic relationship needs your dedication, devotion, and a lot of attention so it can blossom and grow strong. On the contrary, a lot of us take our relationship with our partners for granted, people don’t dedicate and pay attention to what they are sharing or expressing and are usually judgemental or even accusatory towards their partners.
Unfortunately, today’s couple is more at risk of damaging their beautiful relationship due to “phubbing”, a merging of the words “phone” and “snubbing”.
Phubbing occurs when your partner ignores you or is distracted from the conversation because of his or her phone. While phubbing can often happen innocently, such as checking Facebook at the dinner table, the constant use of smartphones in the presence of a romantic partner can undermine the relationship—making it feel as if someone’s partner is choosing their phone over them.
According to a recent American survey result, 46% of the participants had experienced Phubbing from their significant other, and 27% of the respondents disclosed that phubbing caused problems in their relationship. Not only did the study find that phubbing was affecting relationship security, but participants who reported being phubbed were also more likely to have depression and overall low life satisfaction.
Why phubbing is creating problems in romantic relationships?
a. The time spent on smartphones reduces the amount of meaningful time spent with your partner.
b. The actual act of phubbing is one of the factors of couple arguments and fights, therefore creating less satisfaction in the relationship.
It is inevitable that we use our phones in front of our romantic partners, but making time for distraction-free communication is the key to strengthening your relationship with your partner. Remember your new Facebook or Twitter updates, new emails, Whatsapp pings, all of this can wait and most of them are generally forwarded messages and don't deserve your immediate/continuous attention at the cost of hurting and making your loved one feel ignored and/or less important.
Important Relationship Tips by Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo (Saarthi)
Do you know it’s surprisingly easy to ruin a perfectly good relationship? People may not be aware they are doing it or might be spending their days thinking they are doing everything right for their relationships. Until one day without notice things start getting bad by frequent arguments, silent treatments, fight, then distancing. Marriage Counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares certain common behaviour that partners should check within themselves, as they can ruin a relationship.
1. Avoid angry reactions to your partner's feedback
Communication is the key to relationship bonding. However, with time partners tend to take communication between them for granted. By granted means; if their partner places a suggestion or an advice , they react angrily or they send intimidating overreactions or feedbacks that shut their partner down. So the shutdown partner again tries much harder, this time, to be listened and a cycle starts that gradually destroys communication between partners.
So don’t make a habit to react angrily if you have been criticised or been advised by your partner, instead make it your goal to hear everything. This doesn’t mean we have to agree with our partner but it says you give him/her the respect or the window to share their every view with you.
2. Avoid Deception and duplicity
In today’s life, people are more and more getting habituated of saying things that they don’t follow or believe. Like they tell their partner, “I really love you,” but they act like they don’t have any time to spend with them. They say “I want to be close to you,” then constantly criticize them when they are around.
These mixed messages of saying one thing and doing another represent a fantasy of being close but without really relating to them. Double messages like these slowly kill the relationship and the other person’s trust and faith.
3. Avoid controlling your partner.
Sometimes without noticing people starts to get intrusive or controlling toward their partner. For example, a partner may stop asking their other half their preferences and choices, instead, they start to impose their personal choices by terming it “we”. For example; “We love Chinese food so let's go for dinner to that restaurant”, without asking if the wife is interested in eating food outside or is in the mood at that moment to eat Chinese or not. Such an action disrespects the other person’s sense of self. When this happens, it not only hurts our partner and his or her feelings , but it can undermine our own strength and our feelings for our partner.
Do you know one night’s bad sleep is enough to make adults age faster as they lack sleep which directly impacts the biological aging of the body? According to scientific findings, sleep deprivation boosts the molecular processes involved in growing older -- may be connected to a greater risk of diseases.
So if you’re following a bad sleep routine or finding difficulty in sleeping adequately and efficiently every night:
Develop your biological clock for sleeping: The first step to beat bad sleeping habit and even insomnia is to develop your biological clock. Initially, if you cannot sleep on time, then at least set your wake up time same each day. Develop this routine every day and avoid temptations like sleeping late on weekends even if you have had poor sleep during the week. Such temptations further disrupt the sleeping clock of the body and put a person on vicious circle of bad sleep routine.
Do not eat or drink right before going to bed. Eating a late dinner or snacking before going to bed can activate the digestive system and keep you up. If you suffer from gastroesophageal reflux or heartburn, it is even more important to avoid eating and drinking right before bed since this can make your symptoms worse. In addition, drinking a lot of fluids prior to bed can overwhelm the bladder, requiring frequent visits to the washroom that can eventually disturb your sleep.
Allot a specific time to plan your next day: Generally, people have the tendency to think about the incidences that have happened today and keep worrying about tomorrow when they put their head on a pillow. Avoid doing it by allocating a dedicated time, perhaps next day morning to review yesterday and to plan for today. Remember at end of the day, human brain reaches it maximum exhaustion level and the brain’s possibility to find the solution is weakest whereas converting worries is at its peak.
Reduce stress If you find yourself too stressed when you put your head on the pillow then it’s a good practice breathing exercises and meditation before going to bed. Even playing melodious music is good that can reduce your stress levels too and help you to get a sound sleep.
Put your mobile phone in an airplane mode before you go to sleep: A major reason for a lot of people to suffer sleep deprivation and insomnia in today’s time is their habit to play with their smartphones, texting, chatting or checking Facebook updates in bed.
We typically seek counselling or psychotherapy when our old ways lead to problems and starts affecting us and the relationships we are into.
In conventional therapy, you may spend one or two hours per week developing new skills and exploring alternative perspectives. Once you leave my office, I hope you will incorporate the work you did into your daily life. Sometimes I will assign you “homework” that reinforces the concepts addressed in your session. You might choose to journal or simply think about what you learned to make better sense of it and to uncover new insights for your next appointment.
This consistent attention to your therapy leads to continuity, the unbroken thread that ties together your revelations from week to week. This is the key to lasting change. You and I plant the seeds for change in your session, and then your independent efforts allow them to take root and grow into the foundation for an improved life.
If your needs are minimal, or you just need someone to listen and give you quick fix solutions , this pattern could work for you. However, if your goals revolve around healing deep-seated hurts, improving relationships, or breaking lifelong habits, this pattern needs a lot of hard work. Without consistent effort between sessions, your therapy may feel disconnected from or even irrelevant to your daily life. If you don’t complete the tasks assigned to you each week, you miss the opportunity to practice new skills that contribute to the goals you set for yourself.
Your decision may create more peace in your life and/or lead to the end of important relationships. Your decision may leave you stuck in an untenable situation and/or open your eyes to the positive aspects of your life that you previously ignored. Whatever you do, make sure your choice not to change is the one that feels right for you.
When I ask you to practice a new behaviour, it is expected that you will feel uncomfortable and may stumble on your new path. I want you to challenge your status quo and take small, calculated risks that result in an incremental change.
Changing your life requires work. Weekly therapy sessions are just the beginning. The real work happens between sessions when you actively engage in the creation of change and commit to making it last.
Sometimes bad phase in a relationship becomes so strained that intellectual possibilities to overcome bad situations by the couple get hijacked with pain, feeling of betrayal and confusion. Generally, such a condition itself snowballs into an end of a relationship.
1. First, a couple should ask themselves, if they are destroying themselves, hurting their partner and their relationship, based on anger and strong emotions? If yes, then slow down and evaluate. Avoid confronting your partner until you’re calm and can carefully weigh your bad relationship phase.
2. Secondly, a couple should avoid assumptions like their current state of unhappiness is solely the fault of the relationship; there could be other issues too, like bad financial situation, unnecessary attraction towards a colleague, frustration in career etc. Remember, there is no intelligence to mix up everything or to destroy good things because you have a bad or a thoughtless experience.
3. Instead of just secretly wishing for a change, a couple could prepare them to do open and effective communication than cutting off or keeping silent. Communicating transparently with the partner generally kick-starts a healthier relationship; in the least, it will contribute to a deeper understanding of what’s really causing the rift in the relationship.
4. Put a sincere effort to resolve the situation, if you fail then don’t wait for fate but meet a counsellor, who can help you come out of this situation.
Do you know every relationship we hold in our life is governed by our attachment style and it’s our style of attachment (security, anxiety, dismissive etc) that affects everything from our partner selection to how well our relationships progress or how they end?
That is why recognising our attachment pattern can help us understand our strengths and vulnerabilities in a relationship.
For example, the person with a working model of anxious/preoccupied attachment style feels that in order to get close to someone and have your needs met; you need to be with your partner all the time and get reassurances. To support this perception of reality, they choose someone who is isolated and hard to connect with. Similarly, when there is a secure attachment pattern, a person is confident and self-possessed and is able to easily interact with others, meeting their own and other's need as well.
Delhi's eminent Marriage & Relationship Expert (Counsellor) Shivani Misri Sadhoo shares the different style of attachment that governs every relationship are :-
Secure Attachment Style– Securely attached people tend to be more satisfied in their relationships. A secure adult has a similar relationship with their romantic partner, feels secure and connected while allowing themselves and their partner to move freely.
Secure adults offer support when their partner feels distressed. They also go to their partner for comfort when they themselves feel troubled. Their relationship tends, to be honest, open and equal, with both people feeling independent, yet loving toward each other.
Anxious-Preoccupied Attachment –Unlike securely attached couples, people with an anxious attachment tend to be desperate to form a fantasy bond. Instead of feeling the real love or trust toward their partner, they often feel emotional hunger. They’re frequently looking to their partner to rescue or complete them. Although they’re seeking a sense of safety and security by clinging to their partner, their actions at times, push their partner away.
Even though anxiously attached individuals feel unsure of their partner’s feelings and unsafe in their relationship, they often become clingy, demanding or possessive toward their partner.
Fearful-Avoidant Attachment – A person with a fearful avoidant attachment lives in an ambivalent state, in which they are afraid of being both too close to or too distant from others. They attempt to keep their feelings at bay but are unable to do so. They can’t just avoid their anxiety and/or run away from their feelings. Instead, they are overwhelmed by their reactions and often experience emotional storms.
They tend to be mixed up or unpredictable in their moods. They see their relationships from the working model that you need to go toward others to get your needs met, but if you get close to others, they will hurt you. In other words, the person they want to go to for safety is the same person they are frightened to be close with. As a result, they have no organized strategy for getting their needs met by others.
The relationship is a tricky aspect of one's life and if things go wrong it can devastate us and if a relationship is right, it can bless us with a wonderful life partner.
As easy as it is to shrug it off and blame it on the other person, there are certain things everyone needs to accomplish in their own life before they can be a good partner.
1. Get involved for the right reasons
One of the simplest questions to ask yourself is why you want a relationship in the first place? Is it because you really like this person, or are you trying to distract yourself from other problems?
Sometimes people, especially in young age, people enter into a relationship for all the wrong reasons, like starting a new relationship only because all of your friends are dating someone and being with someone just makes you feel secure with a partner rather than for the feelings you have for that particular person.
So the first thing you should do is to progress consciously and understand if the reasons are right to go in for a relationship. Then visualize if you want to grow old with the person or if you are looking for a life partner.
2. Avoid sex as a medium to gain intimacy
A lot of time people tend to begin a relationship with sex believing that it will eventually lead to a more emotionally intimate or a committed relationship. Research shows relationships that start with sex before emotional intimacy, typically fails to become committed unions.
3. Leave the Past in the Past
Everyone has had things happened to them that they would rather forget, but not everyone can shrug it off. Memories only become baggage if you dwell on them and refuse to move on. Learn to let go of the people who are no longer in your life and forget the ones who let you down. Move on and set your sight on the horizon.
4. Learn to Accept Other People
One of the toughest things you learn in life is that other people don’t exist to fulfil all your expectations. Accept other people for who they are and learn to embrace their flaws. A good relationship is one where both people can feel comfortable and at home. Judging people is a great way to get them headed towards the door.
Do you have a mother-in-law who never misses a chance to criticize your work, attitude or actions and never addresses your positive side? Or got a father-in-law who’s a know-it-all and always put his views between your partner and kids?
It’s often seen that many marriages suffer drastically due to in-laws interferences and partners reach stages of depression or even separation and that’s not all. Poor relationship with in-laws affects the life of the parents and kids who miss their grandparents. Today Delhi's eminent marriage counsellor Shivani Misri Sadhoo expert suggests some important tips for maintaining a good relationship with in-laws.
- Avoid sharing your marital problems with your parents. - A lot of partners make this mistake to discuss the marital issues with their parents, especially in their early phase of their marriage. Avoid that, unless you have an exploitive partner and you feel insecure or feel no motivation to live with. In such a case, its good to let your folks know who you think won't be biased to know as to what's going on in your life. Otherwise, fix problems in a marriage within a marriage - not by turning away from your partner and towards your parents. You can love your parents and have a rich, active relationship with them without involving them in your marriage and remember, If you vent to your parents every time you’re angry or hurt, they’ll build a case against your partner. You and your spouse may make up, but your family may still remember the hurt your spouse has caused you and may hold a grudge.
- Communicate directly - Whenever possible, avoid communicating through a third party. Don't ask your spouse to talk to his mother about something she did that hurt your feelings. Talk to your mother-in-law directly. If something bothers you, address it as soon as possible. Sometimes it's a genuine problem; other times, it might be a misunderstanding. This is true when couples belong to the different cultural backgrounds where cultural misunderstandings are very common and cause unnecessary distress without in-laws or the partner ever realizing.
- Set appropriate boundaries - Set boundaries about when they are or are not invited into your lives so they can come in and out of your life appropriately. You’ve got a finite amount of physical and emotional energy. If your in-laws are draining you, you may need to change the boundaries. Reassure them that you are not closing them out.
- Avoid being the right fighter - Do you always need to be right during an argument? Even if your in-laws are totally in the wrong, the way you react to a situation could inflame and overshadow your position. It’s not about being right, It’s about being happy, and peaceful and tranquil for you and the kids.
Enjoying a prolonged beautiful marital life over the decades might seem unrealistic to many people, people believe with the passing of time husband and wife cannot be the same way as it was in their first 6 months of marriage. But that is not the truth when people maintain their cars, they get it serviced once in 6 months or in a year, so that the wear and tear caused by running the car every day, get fixed. Much like cars that get eroded, scratched and dented from constant use, relationships can also show wear and tear over the years. So how do you know if your marriage has hit a rough patch or it's something more serious and require a professional help?
Shivani Mmisri Sadhoo, an eminent marriage counsellor, south Delhi shares the signs that you might need professional help to rejuvenate your marital life.
1. There is a decrease in intimacy with your spouse and there is a sudden change of sexual attitude. Either the absence or sudden decrease can be a signal of danger. Most couples feel that when there is a loss of intimacy, there are problems. While this is true, it is also important to be mindful of a sudden increase in sexual activity of your partner. If all of sudden your partner starts showing too much interest in sexual activities, that you feel is sudden and not that normal, it could indicate that he/she is experiencing the feeling of arousal that is not originating from his relationship with you.
2. When communication between couples weakens, it starts a situation where both or either of the partner holds on their view or opinion with a fear that a discussion might escalate to a fight. It is the time for the couples to seek professional help, else the situation may simply degrade with each passing day.
3. Disagreements over money are one of the top reasons couples find themselves in conflicting situations if your spouse keeps you in the dark about family finances or feels the need to control everything related to money, it may be time to speak up. If your spouse objects your need to discuss the same or takes your opinion for granted, it's time to see a counsellor.
Today all of us are on social media and every day within minutes we come know how our friend's new car looks like, where they have gone for a vacation, how was their last night's party, how they look in their new hair style etc. No doubt social media give us an absolute sense of what is happening in our friend's life but have you ever asked yourself how many friends out of the list of hundreds or thousands, could you count on in a crisis?
Psychologist Shivani Misra sadhoo says that a relationship can genuinely be nurtured with face to face interactions, hugs and with real chats and outings. Although social media does allow us to interact with man people at the same time, but these online connections usually don't translate into stronger social bonds of close friends.
Social media may help to slow down the natural rate of decay in a relationship quality that would set in once we cannot readily meet our friends face-to-face. But no amount of social media will prevent a friend eventually becoming'just another acquaintance' if you don't meet them personally from time to time. Hence, if you really value your friendship and want to experience the best life experiences that real friendship can offer, then don't depend on facebook and twitter, go out with your friends, go to their places and put more efforts to have face-to-face interactions with them so you can grow old along with your friends.
There are people who feel lonely but are alone and there are those who choose to be alone but are not necessarily alone, i. E. Surrounded by people. So what make us feel lonely? is it just isolation from social life or one can be lonely in the midst of all social activities? today psychologist Shivani sadhoo answers some of the interesting facts and mind factors behind being alone and being lonely.
First understand, loneliness is a universal human emotion, yet it is both a complex and unique to each individual. It is commonly described as a state of solitude or being alone but in reality, loneliness is a state of mind. This state of mind causes people to feel empty, alone and unwanted. People who are lonely often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with other people. Loneliness as per psychological definition is not necessarily about staying living physically alone, instead, it is the perception of being alone and isolated that matters the most.
For example, a newly joined office employee, who has difficulty in making friends and making himself/herself noticed, might feel lonely despite being surrounded by hundreds of office mates. Similarly, if a girl or a boy finds it difficult to express his/her pain, fears, feelings through verbal expressions, i. E. By talking, he/she might feel alone among a group of friends who would be all talking about themselves and would consider this person to have no trouble in life.
Loneliness has a wide range of negative effects on both physical and mental health. Some of the health risks associated with loneliness includes:
- cardiovascular diseases and strokes
- depression and suicide,
- alcoholism and smoking,
- progression of Alzheimer's disease
Generally, it's very difficult to recognize if someone feels lonely and sometimes even the sufferer doesn't recognize for the whole life that he/she was lonely deep inside.
One can cure loneliness:-
- by first identifying themselves that they suffer from loneliness.
- by realizing themselves that loneliness is a hazardous condition and they should fix it.
- if the person suffers from difficulties to express themselves to others, lacks effective communication skills, feels shy and stressed in social gathering then its advisable to take a help from experts like a mental health professional or a psychologist.
Parents are the most precious gifts god has given us because of them we are today, what we are. Then why sometimes, couples face challenges to maintain healthy relationships with each other's parents. Sometimes these relationship differences turn so sour that it destroys marriages and relationships. Let us see how in-laws can destroy relationships and even marriages so you can check on these matters at the beginning.
A. When the in-laws attempt to be too intrusive, especially, in joint families, when parents forget to allow their daughter-in-law and their son to spend a good time with each other. Generally, in today's hectic life where both the couples works or one of them works, few minutes prior sleeping is not enough to blossom a relationship.
B. When one partner allows his/her parent to decide their life's decision, remember your husband or your wife to have their own views especially if they too are involved in the decisions.
C. When in-laws assume that they should be always heard: The times are changing so are the situations and challenges to deal with them now vs 20 or 25 years back.
When husbands fail to understand that his wife needs his support to adjust or solve relationship issues in the family. Many times the husband avoids the situations, leaving his wife alone to fight the war.
There are people who feel lonely but are alone and there are those who choose to be alone but are not necessarily alone, i.e. surrounded by people. So what make us feel lonely? Is it just isolation from social life or one can be lonely in the midst of all social activities? Today Psychologist Shivani Sadhoo answers some of the interesting facts and mind factors behind being alone and being lonely.
First understand, loneliness is a universal human emotion, yet it is both a complex and unique to each individual. It is commonly described as a state of solitude or being alone but in reality, loneliness is a state of mind. This state of mind causes people to feel empty, alone and unwanted. People who are lonely often crave human contact, but their state of mind makes it more difficult to form connections with other people. Loneliness as per psychological definition is not necessarily about staying & living physically alone, instead, it is the perception of being alone and isolated that matters the most.
For example, a newly joined office employee, who has difficulty in making friends and making himself/herself noticed, might feel lonely despite being surrounded by hundreds of office mates. Similarly, if a girl or a boy finds it difficult to express his/her pain, fears, feelings through verbal expressions, i.e. by talking, he/she might feel alone among a group of friends who would be all talking about themselves and would consider this person to have no trouble in life.
Loneliness has a wide range of negative effects on both physical and mental health. Some of the health risks associated with loneliness includes:
* Cardiovascular diseases and strokes
* Depression and suicide,
* Alcoholism and smoking,
* Progression of Alzheimer's disease
Generally, it’s very difficult to recognize if someone feels lonely and sometimes even the sufferer doesn’t recognize for the whole life that he/she was lonely deep inside.
One can cure loneliness:-
* By first identifying themselves that they suffer from loneliness.
* By realizing themselves that loneliness is a hazardous condition and they should fix it.
* If the person suffers with difficulties to express themselves to others, lacks effective communication skills, feels shy and stressed in social gathering then its advisable to take a help from experts like a mental health professional or a psychologist.
I m 25 years male and have not concentrate any work or many time during the work I have many mistake so what I do?
However, in today’s demanding academic structure, it is not easy for a child to maintain a good confidence level, from competing nursery admission to weekly school tests, today’s child goes through numerous examinations, almost every day in his/her life and he/she is being judged both at home and outside. According to child psychologist Shivani Misri Sadhoo, oral communication alone by parents is not enough to build confidence in kids, she shares some important parenting tips that will help parents in this area:
1. Allow your child to make decisions:
When your child gets the chance to make choices from a young age, he/she will build confidence in their own judgement. Just consider the age of your child and set their decision-making parameters accordingly. Like, you may ask your 4 years old son or daughter what he /she would like to have in breakfast, an omelette or fruits or chapattis, instead of asking a broad question like “what you will have in your breakfast”, which they will likely to give you an answer either from their imagination or from their list of yummy foods (generally cake, chocolates or junk food).
2. Avoid always rescuing your child
For parents, the desire to prevent their child from getting hurt, feeling discouraged, feeling upset or making mistakes is natural, but when parents intervene, say if the parents go to their child’s school and pressure the cultural teacher to take their child in dance team (which he/she was not selected) then parents are doing something which is not right.
Here are some tips you can use or suggest to your loved ones to overcome failure, loss or rejection and regain their normal living:
1. Make yourself remember your goals in life: you may have faced a break-up or job loss, but there are other priorities in life too like your parent’s happiness, you friend’s happiness, your career and they don’t deserve your ignorance or your ill behaviour.
2. Failure is not the end of the world: Remember failures and losses too help us to grow and understand life in a better way.
3. Try to spend more time with your family and friends. During a relationship, we reduce the time we used to spend with our parents and friends. Post breakups make up for the past loss.
4. Don’t shy away to consult an expert: if you find your sadness getting uncontrollable and it's not stopping, no matter what you try or do, then consult an expert immediately. Counselling always helps you to get back in your life.