DNB (Psychiatry), DPM, MBBS
For some individuals,inappropriate sexual beliefs or myths
can cause problems within a relationship.
Individuals acquire expectations about what sex should be like and how they or their partner should behave.
Some of these apply equally to both men and women while others will be more relevant to one gender than the other.
1. The man should be the sexual leader.
By being the 'sexual leader' and taking responsibility for arousing both oneself and one's partner, men cheat themselves of much pleasure. Not only do they have the pressure of ensuring that the woman is satisfied, but they also miss out on the extra stimulation that could be given to them by their partner. Therefore, they have all of the pressure and less of the pleasure. It is important for a woman to be able to communicate her sexual needs and interests as well, rather than just waiting for her partner to initiate sex, or expecting her partner to know intuitively what specific sexual activities are enjoyable or desired on a particular occasion.
2. A woman should not initiate sex.
As mentioned above, sex is a two-way interaction and it is often more fulfilling for both partners if sexual initiative and 'leadership' is shared. A lot of men wish their female partners would initiate sex more often.
3. Men should not express their emotions.
Some men find that they can only express their feelings through sex. In many cases, a heart-to-heart chat, or a warm cuddle, may be more appropriate.
4. A woman should always have sex when her partner makes sexual approaches.
It is not a woman's 'duty' to have sex with her husband. A woman should feel able to say no to sex when she does not feel like it.
5. All physical contact must lead to sex.
As some men express their feelings through sex, they may believe that all touching must lead to sex. Touching and cuddling one's partner can be very fulfilling and does not have to lead to sex.
6. Good sex leads to a wild orgasm.
This myth holds that sex involves increasing and unfaltering arousal up to the point of orgasm, at which time one or both partners is wild with passion and the thrusting is hard and uncontrolled. In reality, concentration and arousal can be extremely difficult to maintain for lengthy periods and more typically they wax and wane throughout a sexual encounter. A more relaxed approach to sex, in which both partners take the time to talk, laugh and communicate, can be equally or more satisfying.
7. A man feels like sex at any time.
While men accept that women do not always feel like sex,some men hang onto the myth that they should feel like having sex whenever the occasion arises. However, the fact is that life is often hectic, stressful, and tiring, and that man does not always feel like sex at any time of the day. While they may be capable of having sex at any time,they may not necessarily want to have sex at any time and should not feel obligated to have sex at any time. It is all right for a man to say, 'Not tonight, darling. I'm feeling a bit too tired. Let's just cuddle.'
8. Sex equals intercourse.
Intercourse can certainly be a pleasurable and important aspect of a sexual relationship; however, sex does not necessarily require intercourse. Manual and oral stimulation can be equally pleasurable and may provide a slightly different and novel sensation,either physically or emotionally.
9. Sex happens automatically.
This myth asserts that we should not have to learn about sex or ask our partner about what they like because sex is something we should instinctively know about. Most of what we know about sex is learned from the media, our parents, and our friends.Much of this information promotes biased or unrealistic beliefs that may actually interfere with our enjoyment of sex. Good sex may involve re-learning much of what we know and assume.However, with practice, this new knowledge will become natural and our sex lives and relationships will be enhanced.
10. A 'respectable' woman should not enjoy sex too much and should certainly never masturbate.
A respectable woman of any age is a sexual being. She should feel free to experiment sexually in any way that feels comfortable. Enjoyment of sex is healthy, natural, and to be encouraged.
11.All other couples have sex several times a week; have orgasm every time they have sex and orgasm simultaneously.
Firstly, this is not a factual statement. Secondly, while this description of sex may hold in the early stages of a relationship, it becomes less true as a relationship progresses. Couples may be left with a set of unrealistic expectations that may trigger/exacerbate sexual problems.
12. There must be something wrong with the relationship if sex is not good.
While a bad relationship is unlikely to have good sex, the reverse is not true. A loving couple with a stable and communicative relationship may have specific sexual difficulties. Remember that good sex does not always happen automatically and that some degree of learning or re-learning may be required.
13. Formation of Semen.
Semen is formed from blood and loss of it will lead to weakness is a myth
14. Masturbation is wrong.
It is commonly believed that too much of masturbation is wrong and leads to mental illness, physical weakness, and decreases potency. It should be clarified that there is no scientific evidence to support this.
15. The role of 'Physical strength' or 'Muscle power' in sexual performance.
It is a common belief that muscular men can perform better than averagely built man. It should be clarified that there is no relation between muscle power and sexual performance and what matters is the motivation and proper knowledge about sex.
16. The size of the penis.
Very often males are preoccupied with the fact that larger penis is more effective. This myth should be address by discussing the size of the normal penis in flaccid and erect position and the minimal length of penis required satisfying a female.
17. Circumcision and sexual performance.
Many persons tend to believe that circumcision is helpful in prolonging coitus by delaying the ejaculation time.
18. Bending of Penis.
Some males are very much distressed with the curvature of the penis. It should be clarified that slight curvature of the shaft of the penis is perfectly normal and does not harm the sexual intercourse.
19. Vasectomy/tubectomy decreases sexual potency.
Many patients believe that these operations decrease the sexual potency.The couple should understand that use of contraception or such operations ensure prevention of fertilization and possible chance of pregnancy and hence allows them to enjoy sex more freely.
20. Drugs enhance sexual potency.
It is a common belief that alcohol and/or Opioids or other drugs improve potency. It should be clarified that these drugs temporarily increase a men's sexual desire, but they definitely decrease the sexual performance.